Students: the key to success with Pfeiffer cups

Now that we’ve given you tips on how to get safely to a table with a plate of food and silverware you must venture forth for a beverage.

If you are capable of grabbing food, silverware and a drink in one trip my hat goes off to you. If you’re like me and prefer more than one beverage, two trips is definitely the way to go.

Until this year the cups had been kept conveniently below the drink dispensers. One only had to grasp around blindly hoping to get a glass without knocking any over. We thought that was bad, little did we know it could get worse.

Getting a cup in Pfeiffer is much like drawing for lottery numbers; you will get somewhere between one and 12 and you are always disappointed.  If you live life on the edge, you just go with the amount you pick out. This is risky as it can lead to large amounts of liquids being consumed.

Firstly, if you grab a warm cup, even if it is a loner, put it back. Warm cups make warm drinks; it’s not worth it.

Grabbing more than one cup can be annoying. Banging them will get you nowhere. The key is to twist. Twist the top cup until it comes out. If this fails after two tries just stop, put them back and pick new cups. You will look like an idiot if you keep trying, and everyone at the table closest to you will laugh at your expense.

The best way to get a single cup is to creepily watch as others struggle to get two glasses apart. As soon as they drop the unwanted of the pair back into the basket, swoop in and grab the extra. This requires a trained eye, but is the best way to assure you get a single glass.

But what to put in the glass? The undisputed favorite drink in Pfeiffer is milk. One would think this was a sign that we as a campus are making healthy choices. Sadly, chocolate milk (the main milk preference), is always in short supply. This forces most to choose unhealthy sugary drinks. If you are dead set on getting a calcium and vitamin D rich drink, you are in luck: there is a second option.

You may have noticed there is an underused waffle bar that for some reason sports a container of Hershey’s syrup. (I want to stop here to thank Pfeiffer for not skimming on chocolate. I think we can all agree off-brand chocolate is unquestionably inferior). Just fill up your glass with milk and take it to the waffle bar and fill up with chocolate syrup. This is an easy solution to a possibly ruined day.

But in case you don’t want milk, here are some things to keep in mind:

1.     Don’t try for Powerade during football season.

2.     If the fruit in the water is brown, don’t get it.

3.     The water lever on the Coke machine will give you a mixture of lemonade and water. Beware.