Ask Millie: Coming to terms with your sexuality


Hi, Millie,

I think I might be gay. What do I do? Should I come out?

— Lonely Boy

College is a prime time to figure out who you are, and that includes your sexuality.

College gets a bad rap for being a place flowing with booze and loose moral fiber, but take a look around Simpson and you’ll find it’s not (usually) the case.

College is one of the few times in your life when you can be truly selfish.

When again will you have few bills, a not-so-serious job and no one to depend on you? If you are questioning your sexuality, my vote is go for it!

First if you aren’t already up to speed about gender and sexuality, we have to blow your mind with a mini crash course.

Gender is a construct. That means that it is created by society and isn’t real (insert explosion noises).

If you think about it carefully you’ll see what I mean.

How did you first learn that you were a boy or a girl? What are some characteristics of boys and girls, and says who? Do you have characteristics that fall into the opposite category?

Right, so if it’s not real and society is telling you what it means to be a boy or a girl – including who you should love or be attracted to – then why do we care so much? Food for thought.

Explore your sexuality freely and try not to be hard on yourself while you’re figuring things out. Go slowly and explore what feels right to you.

You might feel nervous or scared sometimes, but that’s OK. Getting out of our comfort zone sometimes feels that way.

When it comes to sexuality we often put ourselves into small boxes that sometimes don’t mean much.

Try not labeling yourself for a while and see what you find.

I would also recommend finding a support system.

Exploring sexuality and deciding to come out can be a difficult journey. Whether it’s a few friends that you trust and want to share this with or a new group that is on the same path, you will be happy to have the support.

If you want to tell your friends, just be honest. If they are really your friends, they will love you and accept you no matter what.

PRIDE is the best group on campus for supportive people who know what you’re going through.

They meet Mondays at 5 p.m. in the Women’s Resource Center. Another great organization you could get involved with is One Iowa, a nonprofit which works for LGBT equality.

Senior Virginia Atwell, who is an intern for One Iowa, said: “Coming out isn’t easy, especially around the holidays and post-election. If you choose to come out or are struggling with being out, there will also be people to support you and accept you for exactly who you are.”

There is no right or wrong way to explore your sexuality or to come out. Do what is best for you and have fun!

— XO, Millie