“Are you kidding me? Any moron with a pack of matches can start a fire. Raining down sulfur takes a huge level of endurance. Mass genocide is the most exhausting activity one can engage in, next to soccer,” exclaims an exasperated Loki in Kevin Smith’s Dogma.

Most people would be inclined to agree with him. The general idea behind soccer is that the athletes sprint up and down the field at dizzying speeds, chasing and kicking a ball, and trying to put it in a net; however, the fun is not over yet because that net is guarded by a dragon-like figure who is unwilling to let anyone or anything through.

This is the battle the Simpson’s soccer team faces every time it steps onto the field of glory to face another tough opponent.

“What a lot of people don’t realize is that our schedule is really tough. We play a lot of very good teams,” says head coach Aziz Haffar.

Why play the best teams?

“We play the tougher opponents to help all our soccer players reach their full soccer potential,” says Haffar between students rushing in and out of his office for the laundry room key.

Reaching their full soccer potential is a dream about to be realized by many on the Simpson soccer team( which is heavily peopled with seniors. With all of these players who have been through the system and understand the coaches philosophy, it is easy to see why the Storm are undefeated this year (knock on wood).

Haffar’s outlook is bright when he says, “We have a really good chance in the postseason(with, of course, the end result being that we win the conference and play our best soccer at the end.”

Lest the focus be entirely on the how old the team is, it should be pointed out that the younger guys can feel the force reverberating through the seniors.

“The freshmen this year are all playing really strong, physical soccer which in turn helps the entire team play more physically,” says junior Terry Irvin.

With a strong crew of seniors leading the charge, and a bunch of lionhearted freshmen willing to learn, it would seem that the vision of mass genocide evoked by the rigors of soccer should be replaced with a rising sun or light at the end of a tunnel that gives hope for glory.