He Said/She Said

Dear He Said/She Said:

I’ve been looking for the perfect girl for as long as I canremember. I’ve dated a few people here and there, but never gotserious with any of them. I just feel like I can do better and noneof them were for me. Now I’m being labeled as a homosexual… am Itoo critical? Maybe I’m being too picky…what’s your advice?

– Still Looking and Getting Frustrated

Let me save you lots of time, money and disappointment. Theperfect woman does not exist, nor does the perfect man.

Now my first question: why hasn’t your search been successful? Iwould say probably because you are young and haven’t been searchinglong. However, I feel it is my duty to address the romantic roadblocks you specifically mentioned. If you don’t click, there is notmuch you can do about that. As for thinking that none of the girlsyou went out with were good enough for you, be careful with that.Do you have unrealistic expectations of potential partners? Do youhave an inflated self-image? I’m not advising you to settle forsomeone you don’t like or find unattractive, but you might want togive some thought to why you feel this way.

Now your statement that you are being labeled a homosexualbecause you don’t have a girlfriend raises another question. Areyou really? Or are you simply paranoid that because you don’t havea girlfriend people will assume you’re gay? If anyone has decidedthat you’re gay because you don’t have a girlfriend then they areignorant, don’t really know you anyway, and need to *insert yourfavorite expletive here* themselves. You said you dated ‘here andthere’ so unless those dates were with men then nobody would havereason to think you’re gay. Besides people who feel it their dutyto classify someone’s sexuality like to use a combination ofstereotypical factors to come to the conclusion that someone isstraight, gay, bisexual, metrosexual, transsexual, trisexual orwhatever.

So, unless you fulfill more stereotypes than Jack on “Will andGrace,” I think that you are probably just being paranoid. Myadvice to you: have patience and an open mind and it will happenfor you.


It sounds as if you hold yourself with high regard and need tohave a small reality check. Last time I took a look at the malepopulation of Simpson, I didn’t find God’s gift to women, but maybeI just didn’t see you anywhere. You sound like you’re full ofyourself. Newsflash, not many women appreciate an overly confidentguy that seems to only ever think about himself. Get over yourself,and then try looking for someone to suit your standards.

I guess my advice to you is to get to know someone before youdismiss them as “not good enough” or “not for you.” You neverknow… the girl that sits behind you in calculus or even the girlnext door could be worth a second look- when I say second look, Imean more than just a second date. Just because every girl on thiscampus doesn’t look like Britney Spears doesn’t mean that she’s notworth your time, and if you’re looking for Britney you’re justsetting yourself up for disappointment.

If you continue to remain this “picky” then it is very likelythat you will end up in your mom’s basement at the age of 23,midway though your quarter life crisis with a recedinghairline.

As for being labeled… you need to take the time to get to knowsomeone, or just deal with the consequences of being “overlypicky.”

Judging from your earlier comment of “you can do better,” then Iwould have to say that you don’t have a problem with confidence orself-assurance, so why would a homosexual comment here and therereally make a difference?