I don’t know why I chose to come to you guys with this, but here it goes. I have this really attractive friend. We’ve become the best of friends. She understands guys and sports – I love hanging out with her. The only problem is that I’m falling for her and I’ve had thoughts of marrying her. What do I do? Will I lose her friendship if I tell her?

-Fallen

Mark says:

If you’re just friends, there’s a good chance there’s a reason for it. I think it would have become apparent early on in the situation if she had any feelings for you.

In that case you would have picked up on them, being the astute male I’m certain you are. If what I’m saying is true and she has no feelings for you, you risk putting a big egg on the floor. She could easily step on it rather than pick it up and nurture your feelings.

When one sad friend wishes to be the other’s lover and reveals that wish, it immediately results in problems. If she says no, you’ll be crushed and things will get weird.

If she says “yes,” the next step will be a sticky – albeit tasty – one. From there, you’ll never go back to where you were.

Mindy says:

Take a risk! You won’t gain anything by pining away and thinking about what could be.

She could cut you out of her life because she’s so distraught at the idea of you liking her, but that’s the worst that could happen. Is she really that kind of person? Most women would at the very least be flattered and respectful toward you even if they don’t return the same feelings.

Hold back on expressing your thoughts of marriage. You may already have to ease her into the idea of a relationship – too much is not good.

If she isn’t interested, don’t try to pretend like nothing happened, and if her friendship does mean something to you explain that to her. It may take work, but communicate these ideas if they’re important to you.

Falling for a friend is like riding a roller coaster – you either have a good time or get off the ride.

JEFF PARMELEE

ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF BIOLOGY

Thoughts of marrying her? Whoa, you need to get a lot further into that relationship before you go there. I’ve actually heard guys argue that a man cannot have a friendship with a female without ever thinking of her sexually. I don’t think this is true, and as an aside I’ve never heard anyone argue the reverse situation. But back to your question: Yes, you might lose that friendship. Once you cross that line from “just friends” the dynamic changes, especially is she doesn’t feel the same – that conversation will top your list of most awkward moments, believe me. That being said, it could very well be worth the risk. Lots of very happy couples started out as great friends. My advice would be to take yourself out of this equation and look at what’s going on. Do you get any hints that she’s interested in something more? Are there other men in the picture? These are all things you have to consider. Overall, I’m always in favor of putting yourself out there. Otherwise you’ll never know what might have been.