He said…she said


I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a while now, and I’ve gotten to know him pretty well inside and out. He’s long had this strange obsession for Wednesday on the Addams Family, and for some reason around Halloween time he always gets out this creepy poster of her in fishnet stockings. Anyway, he really wanted me to dress up as her for Halloween, and I did, but there was just something creepy about that. Now that Halloween is over, I thought it had all ended, but he wants me to keep the costume out — at least until the end of the semester. What should I do?

-Unsure Wednesday

Although the obsession is out of control now, it may have started with something far less creepy. It’s more understandable to have an obsession with the Wednesday of the Addams’ Family movies. I remember having quite the crush on Christina Ricci myself when I was younger. If this is the case, I think you should just give him a taste of his own medicine and make him dress up as Christina Ricci’s more eccentric love interests throughout her career.

He could dress up as Charlize Theron’s hideous serial killer as seen in Monster. Maybe you’ll ask him to impersonate Vincent Gallo’s ex-con character in Buffalo ’66. To a probably much less-effective degree, make him dress up in a giant feline to take advantage of Christina’s younger role in That Darn Cat.

If his obsession is with the Wednesday Addams of the 1964 television series, I am afraid you have a much stranger situation. Lisa Loring, who played Wednesday in the series, was born in 1958. I’m guessing that’s right around the age of his mother. Remind him of that. I decided to help you out and look up Lisa Loring’s more recent work. In 1992, she played “Hooker” (non-sex role). This seems like a great opportunity to use the earlier approach. You could ask him to dress up like a 40-year-old hooker.

Finally, as a last resort, reveal your fake obsession with Pugsley Addams. You’ll have to really sell him on this obsession and make him think your fantasy is more extreme than his. When this is accomplished, he’ll have to concede because it’s not okay to have fantasy siblings.

-Scott Brinkmeyer

Two can play at this game. You should somehow acquire a poster of Pugsley Addams and hang it in your room for the whole year. Wouldn’t that be the perfect face to wake up to each morning? When your boyfriend questions you about it you can casually say something about how all this business with Wednesday Addams has really gotten you to think about how cute Pugsley Addams really is.

Then a while later you should buy him some black shorts and a nice black-and-white chain-gang inspired shirt. Insist that if you must dress as Wednesday Addams, he needs to become Pugsley. This might slightly decrease the thrill level for him while the creepy factor will most definitely be severely heightened for you.

If he doesn’t get your subtle hints right away you could always try downloading the theme song and play it constantly when he’s around. You could always try and talk to him about how weird it is if these measures seem a tad extreme. This might be unproductive considering he’s had a fetish for Wednesday for a long time.

Then again, he has been your boyfriend for a while now, and one would assume if it came down to it, he would probably choose you over a morbid 12-year-old. If nothing is working, I would say it’s time to cut ties with this guy. Maybe Thing could do it with this guy. If it was me, I would do it via poem:

“You’re creepy and you’re kooky, mysterious and spooky. You’re all together ooky. You’re getting on my nerves. Ba da bum bum. Snap. Snap.”

-Mackenzie Webb