Dear Millie,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months and I am really comfortable with him. I feel like he cares for me more than my exes. I feel like he is very respectful. We’ve talked about having sex for a couple weeks. I feel ready, but this would be my first time. I’ve had the birds and the bees talk, and I know how to be safe. I just want to have a good experience and be more comfortable with the process. How can I feel better about this situation?

Signed,

Kinda Clueless

Dear Kinda Clueless,

I know it can be a little difficult to talk about a sensitive topic like this. I’m glad you’re asking questions because it can make the experience more positive for you.

Feeling comfortable with your partner is a necessity for being intimate with them. I’m glad to hear that you are happy with where your relationship is right now.

Of course, you want to enjoy your first time, I know it can be difficult when you and your partner do not have the same level of experience when it comes to physical intimacy.

Communication is going to be what helps you the most. Do not be afraid to speak up if you want to slow things down or speed things up. Intimacy should not be painful, let your partner know if you are hurting.  

Sex will likely not be life-changing. It does not have to be a major life event. It can simply be a positive experience you can share with your partner.

Before you jump in with another person, you might consider what sensations you like. Get to know what feels good for your body so you can guide your boyfriend with the knowledge you have of yourself.

Talk to your partner about these feelings as well. I’m sure he will want to know about your thoughts and emotions leading up to this moment. He will want you to feel comfortable as well.

Lastly, try not to let yourself overthink the experience. This is one of those moments in life where you become more comfortable as you let yourself relax and be in the moment.

Yours truly,

Millie