David Morain explores the ethical dilemma that is Campus Day


by David Morain

Campus Day is a watershed event in the life of a Simpson student.

From here on out you are divided into those who raked leaves and those who spent the day in front of the television watching mindless drivel like “Cops: Tama County” or “Family Feud Celebrity Edition: Child Star Alcoholics vs. Child Star Glue Sniffers”.

Hopefully you made the right choice.

Raking a couple lawns has more benefits than you think. For one, it gives you a chance to get back with nature.

If you’re like me, when you take that first step out of your dorm/burrow in the morning, you squint your beady little eyes much like a mole if it emerges from its nest too early in the springtime.

Being outdoors is what separates us from the animals. Wait, scratch that…

Another reason to be a part of Campus Day is the camaraderie associated with the community service.

Much like enlisting with your pals to fight in the Korean War, signing up to rake a couple lawns can instill a sense of brotherhood in you and your mates.

Just imagine a poster of R. Kevin sporting a red-white-and-blue bowtie with the caption, “We want YOU to clean up some poor old lady’s yard.” Truly inspiring.

This brings me to my next point. Not only are you doing yourself a favor by getting back to nature, you’re also making some elderly person’s day. Here’s a sample of their day:

* Get up

* Fix nutritional breakfast of fiber and prunes

* Fix nutritional lunch of fiber and apricots

* Fix nutritional dinner of fiber, prunes, and apricots

* Think about what it was like to be young and carefree, just like us

* Watch Andy Rooney and fall asleep

By picking up their lawn, you’re giving them so much more than free yard service. You give them the thrill of youth. A smile from one of their wrinkled, leathery faces is all you need to bring a little sunshine into your life.

So if you don’t make the right choice this year make up for it next year by doing the saintly thing. Think of yourself as Jesus with a rake.