Men and women square off on relationships,’booty calls’

The Question…

Dear He Said, She Said,

Sometimes my boyfriend likes to go to the Zoo with his friends. I’m perfectly okay with that, except I tell him that he can’t call me when he wants to shack after he comes home wasted. I told him that this was disrespectful and it made me feel like a “booty call.” However, he says that it’s the ultimate display of respect–that he could be going after some other girls when he goes out. What should I do?

–Disrespected after hoursHe Says…

Dear Disrespected,

First of all, your boyfriend is a bad liar. Giving a half-hearted effort after being up all night at the bar and then passing out, leaving you frustrated and unfulfilled is not the ultimate display of respect; it’s the ultimate display of a jackass.

He didn’t communicate to you what he really meant to say: that when he comes home from the bar he wants to be with you, and no one else. This, to me, says he is thinking about you before he goes to the bar, while he’s there, and as soon as he leaves. Part of that could derive from Jagr-induced hormones, but take comfort in his faithfulness, and that he doesn’t go after other girls when he goes out. You have to cut him a little slack. Hey, at least he wants to spend time with you.

At the same time, by banning him from talking to you when he wants to, you’re pushing him away, possibly to the point of infidelity. The more you prevent him from talking to or seeing you, the more the desire to do so will increase. He will then try to fill the void in his heart created by your self-imposed absence with a lesser girl than yourself. The replacement (skank) will never be the same or as good as the original (you), and every time you push him away the quality of the substitutes will diminish.

Once you issue an ultimatum, such as “I forbid you to call me after the bar,” you are almost assuredly creating a rift in the relationship, driving a spike between the two of you that will have to be confronted or else cause the end of your dating.

Try a compromise. Perhaps a you-must-be-this-sober-to-come-over system could be implemented. Maybe you could devise some way to combine the Breathalyzer test with his cell phone; much like is being done with cars now. Before a driver can even start the vehicle, he/she has to pass a sobriety test, and if failed the car won’t start. Implement that with his cell phone somehow, and your problems will be solved.

Extra bonus: obtain the patent and begin mass production. Guys everywhere will rush to get one of their own, so they too may prevent from making asses of themselves post-intoxication. The whole female sex will thank you as well, and you could very well turn out to be the patron saint of relationships everywhere.

Sincerely, Matt and David MorainShe Says…

Get rid of him. Now! We do not live in the 18th century, so we do not permit guys treating us like objects. Even then it was wrong, but that was in the past and now it is our time to stand up against things like this.

We honestly hope that his argument of being respectful was spewed from his mouth at a seriously hammered moment. If this is his conscious, sober assessment of how to show respect to you, than your question is already answered sister. He’s a buffoon-that’s simple, but he’s all yours-that’s the problem.

He should realize that he has a girlfriend who respects his individuality, so he must respect her too, and it’s up to you make it happen.

Telling him that he shouldn’t call you to satisfy his animal instincts when he comes back drunk is the least you could have done. However, it looks like he didn’t get your position towards this issue. It can’t happen again, and you have to make sure it won’t.

We don’t know how good your sense of humor is, but the fact that your boyfriend claims that he could further disrespect you by pawning off his inebriated sexuality with some insecure girl at the bar just isn’t funny. This makes two statements about him: 1) he should never waste his money on law school because nothing could help his argumentative abilities, and 2) he’s more worried about winning an argument than he is about listening to your wishes.

It’s evident that you care about this relationship. There must be some good in him to keep such an intelligent girl. All we know about your boyfriend is his ridiculous beliefs about post-party shacking. What kind of person would think that has the right to demand “having fun” with you regardless of being wasted and also tell you that you’re the one who’s wrong? Obviously not a very smart one.

If this guy doesn’t know how to behave after some beers, you don’t have to take care of him or what he does. Don’t waste your time with someone who demands things from you, but doesn’t seem willing to do things for you.

Good luck and good for you for standing up for yourself and your body.

Sincerely, Vania Quiroz and Kate Anderson