These are dark financial times we live in. Christmas bills are just getting paid off and Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. These and other factors all add up to one thing: college kids are strapped for cash. The economy can go boom or bust, but college undergrads will always be impoverished.

Simpson students are no different. With a little creativity however, one can find ways to supplement the choked off income arteries without suffering a workload-related coronary.

The key economic terms here are quick and easy Stay away from anything too backbreaking if at all possible.

1: Give plasma. There is a donation center on 6th Street in Des Moines. You can go up to twice a week and earn up to $50. Perks? You get to read or do homework and it’s relatively low-impact. Drawbacks? You have to sit still while they siphon your life fluids away. Not bad for a weeks work, all things considered.

2: Simpson Phone-A-Thon. I know, I have problems with calling random people and pumping them for cash for an institution that I’m already paying Libya’s national debt to, but it pays well per hour and it’s the complete “180” of manual labor. Training starts February 16th, so get your telemarketer face on and gear up.

3: Work study. It’s getting a little closer to real work, but not quite all the way. Think of it as a job with training wheels, if you will. If you’re lucky you might get deployed to a secluded area where you don’t have to interact with the public too often. Not too many hours and not too challenging, but gives you enough cash to take the edge off the weekends expenses. Who knows, you might even get a little homework done to boot.

4: Become an RA, LAS Seminar Assistant or Orientation Leader. Help out your fellow student in a responsible manner, get to know the underclassmen and line your pockets all at the same time. More of a semester-long commitment, but an honorable resort to consider before you start pumping your parents for cash.

5: Become a drug dealer. See above. Substitute immoral for responsible. Stay out of county lockup and good luck.

6: Shovel snow for the elderly. They can’t do it themselves, but they might pay you, so pray for that white gold to keep falling and keep your back in shape. Added bonus: if you push the snow off to the side instead of flinging it into their yard, you can come back later and sweep it back onto the sidewalk, repeating the process and earning double the money. Chances are they won’t notice, but even if they do you gave them more entertainment in a week than they’ve had since the “$25,000 Pyramid” marathon came on last June.

7: Get a real job. Terrifying thought, I know, but if your expenses vastly exceed your income it might be your only hope of keeping all of your fingers from the credit card companies. (They haven’t sent anyone named Bruno around yet? Keep your mittens on and your door locked.) South Des Moines provides a wealth of opportunities for the eager young Storm worker to earn some dough. Ask a friend to put in a good word at Southridge, Menards, the pet shop, bodega, etc.

They may not be glorious, but at least you’ll retain your pride by not having to grovel at your parents’ feet for bread money.

Dad: Same pair of underwear again, Derek? What is that, two weeks running now? Anything you want to tell us?

Son: Something wrong with picking favorites, Pops?

Dad: Of course not, just ask your sister.

These are just a few suggestions. Look harder and you can probably find much more rewarding work than I. If not, I’ll see you at the clinic.