He said, she said

He said, she said

Dear He Said/She Said,

This is going to sound like a really weird question, but I really want to know. If a person has anal sex, but not conventional sex, is he or she still a virgin? It’s not for me (I swear) but my friend and I are having an argument about it. What’s your take?

Curious in Buxton

Dear Curious,

Your question has long plagued civilization. Well, actually this is the first I’ve heard of it, but you can imagine…

In my personal opinion, it shouldn’t matter which lower orifice gets penetrated. The key is penetration. If you make the argument that vaginal sex is the only way to lose one’s virginity, there are many homosexual individuals that will definitely have a problem with that.

However, it is important to note that actual virginity and spiritual virginity are two entirely different things. Today, there are many individuals who choose a “born-again” virginity. There are many reasons for this, and anyone having anal intercourse should feel they can do the same.

There are many heterosexual college students that dabble in anal sex. Most are probably just curious about playing the “back nine,” but a few might be attempting to bring something more adventurous into their bedroom. Whatever the reason, there is nothing wrong with experimentation. Variety is the spice of life. Personally, my variety comes in the form of drinking different beers on the weekend, but that doesn’t mean there’s anything weird or sick about trying to get in on the tail end of things.

I’m not sure if this will answer your question or not, but that’s my opinion. For the actual answer to physical virginity, consult your doctor or resident hall assistant. Do not ask your priest/pastor or your parents.


David Morain

Dear Curious in Buxton,

First of all, you don’t need to swear it isn’t you. What’s wrong with a question like that? You don’t need to feel embarrassed for asking. Regardless of his/her sexual experience, I don’t think there is someone who knows everything concerning this subject.

Going back to your question, I did some research trying to find out a good answer for you and this is what I found.

According to a psychologist, it all depends on how you see it. Most people would say someone is not a virgin because he/she had sex or, in the woman’s case, because there is no hymen. This definition doesn’t apply to your scenario, so according to these people we could say he/she is still a virgin.

However, there are people who think being virgin has more to do with whether or not he/she has had some sexual intimacy of some sort. Under this definition, he/she is no longer a virgin.

The psychologist also gave her opinion about what being a virgin means. She wrote that for her, being a virgin meant not having intentional sexual contact of any kind. In other words, even if someone voluntarily participates in a sexual game, he or she has lost their virginity.

Personally, I side with the psychologist’s opinion. Regardless of the fact they had anal and not conventional sex, they had sex. I don’t want to sound antique, but I don’t think that guy or girl can say they’re a virgin just because they haven’t had sex in the “usual” way.


Vania G. Quiroz