Dear He Said She Said,

I am a freshman here at Simpson College and am learning the ropes of college. I am very excited to be away from home for the first time. I come from a small town and have never been able to do whatever I wanted to do. I am quickly learning that it is a lot of fun to go out all weekend and party and hang out with random guys. I spent Friday night last weekend at one of the fraternity houses and Saturday night at a different house. I am having fun and am enjoying being “wanted” by several men. Can I keep up with my fun nights or do I need to make a quick change before my name goes bad?

Awaiting your answer,

Freshman having fun

Dear Freshman having fun,

FYI: It is now politically incorrect to use the term “freshman”; the preferred term is now “first-year students.”

Well, it is common occurrence around college campuses for first-year student to seek and find fun at fraternity houses. There is nothing wrong with having good fun there as long as you play it safe. The best thing for you to do is to take care of yourself and make sure that you don’t do anything that might get you in trouble.

As far as being wanted, a lot of people would agree that it is a good feeling and it does incredible things for one’s self-esteem. So, go ahead and have fun flirting with the guys, as long as you remain careful of what you do and with whom you do it.

Remember: In the end you’re doing this for yourself and you mentioned that you don’t necessarily want to create a bad name for yourself. So it is best to keep your games as clean as possible. If you feel strong inclination to “have fun,” then you should always remember to keep your self-protected from unwanted consequences.

–Vee

Dear Freshman having fun,

Although college is one of the greatest places to really find you, it’s not a good idea to find yourself in random beds every night. If you haven’t already figured it out for yourself, Simpson is a small college and your name will precede you wherever you go. You may have several different guys hanging on your every word, but your best bet is to play it cool and leave them wanting more.

There are a host of different risks involved in “shacking.” As mentioned before your reputation will fall into a downward spiral, but the possibility of contracting an STD or being sexually assaulted was never mentioned. An STD and the violation felt when sexually assaulted are going to last a lot longer than that 2 minute walk of shame past the fraternities. At risk of sounding like your mother I’m not going to lecture about the dangers of STD’s, but instead I’m going to give you a lesson in self-worth.

It seems to me that you don’t really know the guys you’ve been shacking with and change “beds” often. My question is, why are they really interested in you? If you just met they don’t know how charming you were in high school or what made you decide to come to Simpson, instead they chose you based on your ability to play drinking games and your bra size. You’re worth so much more than you know, and it will take time to find a guy that realizes that- my advice is to hold out for someone that’s really interested in you and what you’re about. It may be a boost to your ego to have guys falling all over you, but I guarantee that your reputation will catch up to you.

If you don’t stop the habit you’ve picked up you will begin to accumulate all kinds of lovely 4-letter nicknames and they probably won’t be of a positive nature. Get out of the rut you’ve found yourself in as soon as possible, and be smart when choosing who you stay with and “get to know better.”

–Andrea McNamara