Dear He Said/She Said:

I was messing around with this boy last weekend and we were getting hot and heavy. We were about to have sex when he told me he was a virgin. I put a stop to everything right there. I like him, but don’t know if I should have sex with him or wait. What will happen when we break up?

-Should I be his first?

Dear Should I be his first,

Have you ever heard a saying that goes, “When it doubt, don’t?” You seem to be in major doubt whether you should sleep with this guy or not. So, I am absolutely going to tell you not to sleep with him, as you might regret that later.

I know you’re in college and you want to be experimental just like the rest of your peers, but in this case it is best to find another conquest because you don’t want to be responsible for taking this guy’s virginity. It is a good thing for you to wait and start a relationship with him before sleeping with him.

Many people think of sex as a casual thing. Let me tell you, there’s nothing casual about sex. Shopping for clothes is a casual thing, an ice-cream social is a casual thing, watching a movie in your own room with friends is a casual thing, but having sex is definitely not casual.

If your libido is too high and you really need to get some, I suggest you find someone else and not mess with a virgin. Let the virgin be! Virgins are usually sensitive and would not like their hearts broken. If you’re planning on satisfying your sexual needs, I suggest you find someone who’s been in this game longer, who’s more experienced and who also has the same desires as you.

That’ll be considered fair game, don’t you think?

~Vee

Dear Should I be his first,

The key to any and every relationship in your life is communication. If you can’t talk about having sex with your partner, then you shouldn’t take part in the act, it’s as simple as that. Sit down and talk with your guy and get his opinion. There are still a few people out there that are saving themselves for “the one” or even waiting until their wedding night. If your boyfriend is one of those guys that is choosing to wait… good for him. You should respect his decision.

If after talking about it you decide to go ahead and have sex, it may be a good idea to forewarn him about the tendency for first-time sex to suck. Very rarely, if ever, is first-time sex a pleasant and rewarding experience. Sex is built up to be a lot more than it really is, and not many first-timers realize this.

Just remain honest and open-minded when discussing this topic with your boyfriend. If he’s held his V-card this long it has to mean a lot to him, and it should mean a lot to you as well. Both of you are probably feeling a lot of pressure to take your relationship to the next level, but if there’s any doubt in your mind- just wait.

Just be mindful as to what impact your “first” made on you. Do you want the significance of being his first?

~Andrea