He Said/She Said

Dear He Said/She Said,

I recently started dating this girl and a lot of my friends havetold me she’s bad news. She’s been nothing but wonderful so far butthe stories I’ve been hearing about her past antics are reallymaking me question if she’s the person for me. What should I do?Should I cut my losses and get out before it gets messy or should Ijudge her by how she acts with me?

~Nervous About Girlfriend’s Past

Everyone has a past, yourself included, and as a general rule Ithink it’s best to interact with and respond to a person based onyour experiences with that person. If we all treated everyone elsebased on our pasts there would be a lot of lonely people outthere.

However, that being said, a person’s past actions can be anindicator of how they will act in the present and the future, butnot always. That is why it’s important to relate to people based onyour experience with them.

You didn’t mention what type of indiscretions your girlfriendcommitted in the past. Did she kill someone? Did she appear on tape”Going Wild”? Whatever it was if you can’t handle it; get out. Ifyou can’t handle it because you’re embarrassed of what your friendsmight think; get out. If you can’t handle it because you think shemight behave like that again; get out.

I’m not saying you’re justified in doing so, no one can knowthat without knowing more about the situation. However I don’tthink it’s a good idea to waste your time, or hers, on arelationship you know is not going to work. If you know this earlyon that you are not going to be able to have the kind ofrelationship you want because her past is eating away at you thenyou should break it off.

Just know that the next girl you want to date might think twiceabout dating you if she’s ever had a parking ticket, killed a manjust to watch him die, or existed previous to yourrelationship.

Good Luck


To the one who is nervous about his girlfriend’s past…

This sob story is one of those that I would classify by sayingyou have 6 eggs in one basket and half-dozen in the other…

I could go either way on this situation, but I’ll just give yousome thoughts to ponder instead. Is it possible that your friendsare jealous of you spending time with your new girlfriend? If theyare they may be trying to sabotage your new relationship byspreading harsh rumors. On the other hand they may be trying toprotect you from your new girlfriend. But, this is also a good timeto remember that some people do turn over a new leaf, and even ifyour girlfriend had a shady past she can change.

Go with your gut feeling-if you think that you’re girlfriend isgenuine, then stick with what you’ve got. If you have a feelingthat your friends are telling you what you need to hear and youcan’t handle the truth then do what you gotta do!

I think that it’s important to mention that your girlfrienddeserves a fair chance. She may or may not have had a rough past,but chances are that if she did have a shady past then it’s to beexpected that she realizes what her past says about her. Justbecause your girlfriend’s past has followed her into a relationshipwith you doesn’t mean that she’s going to revert to her pastways-from the way you make it sound it seems like it will be theexact opposite. If she’s with you she has already taken a step inthe direction of normalcy and monogamy.

Good luck with your wild girl, if all else fails draw from hercrazy past and learn from her “experience.”