He said/ She said

by James Joy and Mindy Marks

Dear He Said/She Said,

For some time I have had my eye on a certain someone. Not justany someone either. I know that sounds clich����, but believeme, I can’t find the words to express her any other way. Words dono justice. In any case, I try to create conversation, thinking upthe best opening line so as not turn her away. But knowing hersarcastic and intelligent demeanor, breaking the ice is impossible.If I do say something, it usually comes out all wrong and mumbled.She knows who I am, but I think she sees me as a typical guy (justdoing guy things). She recently split up with her hubby, who justso happens to be one of my good friends. What do I do?


At a loss for thoughts

Dear “At a loss for thoughts,”

To begin with, I must tell you to be careful of two differentthings. You have developed your own idea of who she is because youhaven’t even had a conversation with her, let alone a date or two.It is normal to become infatuated with someone and think about itso much that it is perfect in your own mind. Men are attracted tothe mysterious women they don’t know and find challenging, and ifyou are thinking about her often, then it is possible you havecreated expectations that are unattainable.

Second, if you value your friendship with her “ex,” then I wouldapproach him first and explain your feelings. Even though they areseparated, there is a history between them and it could create asituation between two friends. However, if he doesn’t give yourdesires his approval, you must decide if your friendship with himor your feelings for her are more important. If you are truefriends, he should tell you to pursue your feelings and wish youluck.

Now, if you feel so strongly for her, you do not need to rely oncheesy lines to open communication between you two. Her sarcasmwill fade when you show her you are sincere and not gettingposition for the rebound. The best way to change her mind aboutwhat kind of guy you are is to show her. Do not put on a fake show,but do show her that you are more than football and beer with anice time away from your normal hang-outs. Number one rule, beyourself!!


Dear At a Loss for Thoughts,

Yikes, divorced before graduation?!?! Stay away! Regardless ofmarital status, the idea of dating your good friend’s ex is neveran intelligent one. That’s like choosing to take thermodynamics at8 a.m. – you’re just setting yourself up for failure.

Clearly, there are two main options to choose from. You couldeither do the typical guy thing and be a “friend” to her whileshe’s grieving because you have a crush on her, then once she’sgained your trust attempt to turn the friendship into arelationship. (Yes, men we’re onto this tactic.) Or, you can do theright thing. Give her and your friend time to recover from thebreakup. You can use this “breathing room” to further develop yourintelligence and sarcasm. Not that you should change to attractsomeone, but sarcasm is a good life skill.

Also, consider how dating her will affect your otherfriendships. Will it make your friends uncomfortable to hangoutaround her? Will they take sides on the issue? Will you look likethe bad guy? Answering yes to any of those questions should be abig signal to shy away from a relationship. This campus is full ofyoung people – go find them. The beginning of the school year isthe perfect time to befriend new people; try a new club, sport orintramural.

Maybe someday you can be the sand on her beach – or maybe you’llfind your own beach.

Best of Luck,

Mindy Marks