Well, it’s that special time of year again, that little portion of existence at the end of the semester known as dead week. For many, this is a week filled with stressful evenings at the library and long, arduous hours in front of a computer screen.

But not for this guy.

No, I on the other hand use dead week more literally.

I play dead in front of a television set.

Truthfully, as everyone begins to create more social distance and seclude themselves with their studies, I am practicing becoming consciously comatose in front of an idiot box.

And who can blame me? Cable’s free, and I sleep only a few feet from it.

The boob tube is a loyal friend – the only one I have who will hang out unquestioningly into the wee hours of the morning.

In fact, I’m seriously thinking about trading all of my friends in for a bigger screen. Then I’d be able to hang out with all of my true and loyal pals in life-size, living color. “The Real World” will be that much more real and my life will be complete.

Okay, that’s an overstatement.

Honestly, I become more and more disgruntled with television by the minute, and now it’s time to get some things off of my chest – besides the remote control.

First off, “The Real World.”

Like so many of you, I am a guilty participant in this phenomenon. It seems simple enough – take six strangers, put them in a house spiced with booze and sexual tension and, voila, a 15-season home run of a show appears.

However, when did the really real world have a 50 percent rate of homosexuality? Apparently, the folks casting “The Real World” have a somewhat skewed interpretation of who our nation dates.

Apparently, the real world has no bearing on “The Real World.”

Hell, the main entertainment for this season has stemmed mostly from the frat boys, Landon and M.J., attempting to adjust to living with two gay men, a raging bitch and the tramp of the month. I wonder if either of them ever considered if this was what the real world was like.

Speaking of real, how fake are those hollowed-out folks on “I Want A Famous Face”?

Even though this show hasn’t aired any new episodes recently, the rerun of the twins who wanted to look like Brad Pitt caught my eye as I cruised over the channels last night.

I stopped for a moment, once again troubled by the shallowness of the whole situation.

It all brought one thing to mind – thank God there are people in this world more pathetic than I, or else being this lazy might be demoralizing.

And really, what is television meant to do, if not to distract us from what’s important, contribute to obesity, allow prolonged laziness, and boost our self-esteem even while we’re self-destructing?

So watch on, and watch off. Just don’t let your roommates catch you. Live vicariously through a glass screen, and remember – life may or may not pass you by, but a new episode is only new once.