I currently work with a ditzy, air-headed blonde, who is horrible at her job. I get really frustrated because even though she does such a horrible job, people seem to like her more than they like me. If this keeps up, I feel like I’ll go insane. Do you have any suggestions on how I can keep working and somehow not go crazy?

– Crazy WhiteBoy

Let’s face it – there’s no way to solve this one. Ever since color television came along, blondes from Farrah Fawcett to Marsha Brady have been driving the rest of us Jan Bradys crazy.

There’s that dumb saying that blondes have more fun, and maybe if you weren’t such a hard ass, people would like you too. She does a bad job and somehow people still like her? It’s the American way!

There are a couple of options to choose from – you could dye your hair blonde and out-ditz her for all your worth. Of course then you become someone you hate, but if people like you then that’s really all that matters.

You could complain to someone who cares (not me). But people will just like the blonde more and see you as a whiny so-and-so. Lastly, you could actually try and do your job well instead of worrying about some blonde. People respect someone who tries hard, triumphs over adversity, blah blah blah. Sorry, I had a Dr. Phil moment there.

But seriously, quit your bitchin’. Stop giving a damn. Or set the bar lower. If you have no expectations, you can’t lose, right?

I’m a first-year student and I need some tips on making friends. Any help?

Learn from Hansel and Gretel and start leaving a trail of food behind you. The Grill sells gummi bears now, and if you left a trail of those, I know I’d be your friend.

If you want to get friends by impressing them with your smarts, start using obscure figures of speech. By saying stuff like, “calling a spade a spade,” “going on the lam,” and “saying boo to a goose,” I was able to confuse the hell out of people. Find some 19th-century phrases and start using them every day. People will think it’s funny, and look where that got me.

I get so bored here in town. Just what is there to do in Indianola?

There is this mystical place in the Indianola Square. There, you can find delicious tacos for $1.25. It is called One Stop on the Square. Learn it, live it, love it.

Laughing at drunken karaoke at Signature’s can always be a nice way to end your Saturday evening.

Another good Saturday-night activity: you could hide in the shadows on campus and see how many people commit public urination coming home from the bars. It’s educational and pornographic, which is more than any student could ever want in a weekend.

Just be creative, it’s not hard. A favorite activity of mine is nighttime frisbee in Buxton Park. There’s just the right amount of light pollution to make the frisbee visible.