City Ordinance Today, Zoo Bar Blockades Tomorrow

City Ordinance Today, Zoo Bar Blockades Tomorrow

by Jack SawyersPerspectives Editor

Nature almost always has a way to reset its balance in the face of adverse conditions. Be it famine, plague or natural disaster, the backlash against whatever has overstepped its bounds is typically swift and decisive. So, it seems, is the general Indianola community reaction to Simpson College’s socialites.

First came the unlegislated city ordinance against drink specials – believe it or not, there was a time when the Zoo Bar supported nickel pitchers. Then, the alley pipeline from Simpson to the square was gated and declared private property, adding at least thirty seconds to nearly everyone’s commute.

Then, a recent city ordinance barring more than four unrelated people from living together struck a blow against residents of the Boar’s Nest, signaling that Indianola was ready to take the gloves off. And boy did Simpson respond.

No, we didn’t just go to New Hampshire, Tom Harkin. We went to the Zoo and punched people. Or, I should say, several prolific Simpsonites went to the Zoo and punched people. The sense of panic on the part of the bar staff was never more obvious than when they turned the ugly lights on at an astonishing 12:15 a.m., officially ending Thursday night almost two hours early.

Somewhere much further south, hell froze over. So now, here we are, faced with the undeniable truth that Simpson and Indianola-at-large’s lifestyles do not go together in any way, shape or form like peas and carrots. Too many of us have toed the line, one foot following the other, reciting the alphabet backwards – while bringing one finger towards the tip of our nose – to possibly make amends with this environment. It seems the time is right for an upheaval.

And so, we wait, huddled in our dorms or theme houses, likely too busy with 10-pagers on Buddhist ethical principles or something equally pressing and obviously significant to our professional lives to even realize that the world is about to turn on us. Like so many mastiff owners who are surprised when the mailman gets eaten, we are blissfully ignorant of what is likely to come with our unnatural presence. It’s really only a matter of time.

First will come the curfews. Then, an extra police presence – to ‘preserve the peace’. Before you know it, they’ll be building a fence from Buxton to C streets and militia-manning it. The backlash, having begun, will take form in earnest. Students leaving their allotted zones will be jailed, and cigarettes will become the new currency. Life, once so full of hope for all of us, will become a constant struggle for survival.

Of course, this is not a foregone conclusion. No, we can still save ourselves and our alma mater, if we try. All it’s going to take is a little control, a little tact and a little responsibility on Simpson’s students’ parts. This, I think we can manage.