How to: Survive….anything

by Scott BrinkmeyerStaff Writer

College is a time for preparation.We need to be ready for everything- preferably with as few tools as possible. I think four is an agreeable number for things you should always have on hand to able to survive anywhere. You may take issue with some of the logistics involved in having these things with you at all times, but you want to survive, don’t you? If we worried about what we looked like every time we tried to stay alive, construction workers probably wouldn’t be wearing the bright orange while working.

A Sherpa

These mountain guides have been instrumental in countless expeditions to climb Mt. Everest. If they can deal with survival in extreme elements, who’s to say they can’t help out with all kinds of situations? Really, the Sherpa’s reliability is their greatest asset. If they are willing to build you a fire on a snowy cliffside at dangerous altitudes, they would probably be willing to stay up until all hours ignoring your tendency to procrastinate and help you study whenever you are ready. Maybe a midnight snack of Nepalese origin is just the pick-me-up you’ll need right before your big test.

Trail Mix

What more do you need for sustenance than peanuts and raisins? You’ve got your sweet and salty flavors, some protein, and they will last a while. Really, it’s a shame anyone ever eats anything besides peanuts and raisins. We could clearly survive on it. Besides the food factor, trail mix is not without its charm in other departments. To avoid insanity in isolation, a simple mosaic might help pass the time and even produce an unexpected masterpiece. If your art career does not immediately take off, you could stage wars using the peanuts and raisins as enemy forces. Trail mix does not just quell hunger and insanity, it absolutely conquers them. Also, the trail mix might help to occupy the Sherpa when he is not needed.

The Penguin’s Umbrella

Remember the Penguin from the Batman movie and comic books? It’s hard to deny the versatility and functionality of his umbrellas. Some might argue that Batman’s utility belt is just as functional, if not more. Really, Batman’s belt is more suited to survival. You don’t really need any more survival. You already have a rope and a Sherpa at this point. It’s time for you to get some tools that give you the edge. A sleeping gas could really come in handy when your bill-collectors or repossession workers come over. The sword contained in the umbrella could make a handy letter-opener to avoid those pesky paper cuts.

A Rope

When I consider highly functional tools, a rope immediately comes to mind. When I go to consider all a rope can actually do, few examples come to mind. A rope just seems to be one of those things that you will find yourself without in some situation and wish against everything that you had one. Admittedly, a rope might be much more functional in a wilderness setting than a professional one. To increase the versatility of a rope, you might try learning to use a lasso to impress for that high-pressure job interview.