How To….Make resolutions you can keep

by Scott BrinkmeyerStaff Writer

Nearing the end of January, many well-intended resolutions have become less of a priority. Gyms are thinning out, frozen pizzas are again outselling yogurt and granola, and all our favorite poor decisions are back in full swing.

For some people, this time of year brings an attitude of defeat. We can’t believe that, just like so many years before, we have failed to pursue something for more than a few weeks.

You’re going to see a lot of morning show interviews of those obnoxious motivational people reassuring you that you should keep going and just need to make sure it becomes part of your routine and all these other little tips that make it sound really simple to carry on your resolutions. They want you to rise up to the bar you set so high.

I’m suggesting that maybe the bar gets lowered a little bit next year. Instead of being depressed next year, you will be strutting around with a confidence not seen in previous Januarys.

Before you get carried away and just quit trying to do anything, I’m offering a few examples and their corresponding rationalizations so you can explain to curious friends and family what you’re up to.

One of the most common resolutions is to lose weight. It’s not a terrible idea, until you realize that you actually have to lose the weight, which is not as easy as it sounds. Instead, consider trying not to gain more weight. The stress of weight loss is gone and suddenly, the weight that you have at the time of the resolution is your target weight. All the work is over.

Better still, you just need to eat the same food every day to maintain the same weight. Think about how delicious all the appetizers and nice dinners were on New Year’s Eve. That’s what you have to eat every day to maintain your weight. I have little to no education in food or nutrition, but I feel confident in blindly assuming that this should work out just as I’m promising.

Some people decide they are going to exercise more in the new year. The annoyances of exercising are left unknown to no one and as far as I’m concerned, far outweigh the scientific benefits. Instead, just try and watch more people exercise. I’m not suggesting that you peep through windows of a gym and creep out those over-zealous body enthusiasts. That might get you arrested and, at the very least, would require a walk to the gym.

Instead, look for exercise shows on T.V. or find some old Tae-Bo tapes. Watch them and learn from them. Listen for the jargon so you can drop it into conversation which will convince at least a few people that you must exercise frequently with that level of language mastery. Also, watch for techniques so when you are with someone and see some exercising going on, you can point out all the flaws in their form, or at least their attire.

These two are just to get you started. I’m quite confident that once you get started, you’ll find all kinds of fun ways to cut your life’s ambitions in half to make them more accessible to your lazy lifestyle.