Dear Drew and Emily,

My girlfriend and I have spent the night together ever since the first couple of weeks after we started dating. The thing is, she’s spending Thanksgiving with my family and my mom is really conservative. I can’t see her letting us sleep in the same room together, but I don’t want it to make things awkward between me and my girl. What should I do?

—- Horny at home for the holidays

He Said…

I think it’s time you sit down and with dear old mom and dad and have the reverse Birds and the Bees talk.

The one where you ruin the picture perfect view they had of you and admit to them that not only do you have a girlfriend, but your relationship with her is intimate.

I’m sure they’ll recall what it was like being in college and in love and will be willing to work with you so that everyone is happy. Plus, I’m sure they weren’t completely PG-rated while you lived at home and that they diddled every now and then with you right across the hall. Now it’s your turn.

Of course, maybe my initial thoughts are all wrong and you possess the power to actually simply sleep in the same bed as your significant other without anything happening. However, this isn’t Drew’s first time around the block and like I’ve said before, “spooning leads to forking.” I’m just thinking of what can, and probably will, happen.

And just because you’re at home doesn’t mean you need to leave your dorm room rules at Simpson. Make sure you keep noise to a minimum, and it would probably be a good idea to leave a hat or tie on the door just in case – especially if you have extended family around for the weekend. We don’t need grandma having a heart attack because she walks in on the possible creation of a great-grandchild.

However, if negotiations fail and your parents refuse to budge and you end up having to sleep on the couch while your girlfriend gets your comfy bed, hope is not lost. There’s always the car ride down the gravel road. Back seats were invented for a reason.

She Said…

Well that all depends on a few things. First off, how cool are your parents with that sort of thing in general? If, for example, you had a curfew of 10 p.m. in high school and weren’t even allowed to date until you were 16, then chances are it’s not going to fly.

Secondly, how long have you two been dating? If it’s been a week or so and this is the first time your parents have ever met her, then I wouldn’t say that’s a very wise conversation starter right when you walk in the door.

But if the two of you have been an item for quite some time now, and your parental units seem comfortable with your choice of mate – then it can’t hurt to throw out the idea of ‘bed-sharing.’ What’s the worse that could happen?

Then again, there’s always the option of telling your family that your girlfriend suffers from an extreme case of being ‘afraid of the dark’ that stems from a traumatic childhood memory and she physically needs someone to be in the same bed with her to keep the phobia subdued. I don’t think that even your overbearing father would question excuse at all.

You could also play the separate beds situation off as kosher, and then, when everyone is tucked away to his or her designated sleeping arrangements, she could sneak off to your forbidden bed in the middle of the night. That scenario could even spice things up for you two in the romance department!

This option works especially well if either of your parents are snoring obnoxiously. They won’t hear a thing. Just make sure your girlfriend is certain of which bed she’s sneaking to – wouldn’t want her crawling in bed with grandpa.

And if worse comes to worse, you and the girl could spend one long weekend sleeping alone for once. I’m fairly certain you will both survive, and might even find some enjoyment out of having your own covers for once and hogging as much of the bed as your heart desires. Either way – Happy Holidays!