He Said/She Said

He Said/She Said

by Drew Riebhoff/Lifestyles Editor and Meridith Sayler/Staff Writer

He Said…

How long have you been “dating?” If it’s been less than a couple weeks, I say put it back in your pants, take a cold shower and calm down. If it’s been more than a couple weeks, hold one moment and I’ll address that after I touch on a question I have for you.

You say you “think” your girlfriend is a virgin, meaning you don’t know for sure, correct? How far have you broached the issue? Are we sure that she’s not some fraud and that she really isn’t the campus bicycle?

I don’t mean to throw out accusations like that. I’m just talking from experience. I knew a preacher’s daughter in high school; the one that everyone assumed was pure and good, but really, she was going through high school on her back.

Looks aren’t always what they seem.

For example, look at Michelle in American Pie. You would assume that she’s a nerdy, dork of a virgin who wouldn’t know what a trouser snake was if it bit her. But, it turns out she’s a closet nympho who violates her flute at band camp.

So, I suggest you first find out whether she’s still a V-card club member or not.

To do so, I suggest you start by feeling her out. Slip a sexual innuendo and inappropriate comment in the conversation every once in awhile and see what happens. If she laughs and fires back, it may turn out she’s not as pure as you thought and that you should just balls up and actually bring up the conversation of sex.

But, if she gets offended, turns red and makes you feel like a dirty pervert, she might be a virgin Mary (minus the pregnant thing). Which is a completely different situation that needs to be handled with lots of care.

So, for now, stick with the innuendo advice. If it works, you are welcome. If not, Rosey Palm is always willing to hang out.

She Said…

I’ll start with the ‘tap dat’ comment. Speaking solely from the opinion of a girl, that is not helping your case at all. The first rule to a girl’s heart: avoid referring to her in ways that you would refer to a keg of beer.

Also, I may be old fashioned in my approach, but how about trying to impress her, maybe buy her some flowers or a stuffed animal as opposed to thinking of her as a piece of meat. Why? I feel as though you are thinking with the wrong head.

Your best bet is to ask her if she’s a virgin. If she says ‘no,’ then the conversation will be easier. If she says ‘yes,’ you may have to reconsider your approach.

Now you said that the physical part of a relationship is really important to you. That’s great, but if it’s not important to her ,then you are going to have problems. I recommend actually talking to the girl and while you’re at it, why not tell her your feelings? Tell her what you want out of your relationship.

Ask her if she’s interested in something physical. If she says ‘no,’ and it’s important to you, then you should run while you still can. Maybe she is looking for that emotional/spiritual connection that girls seem to be into, and not the physical. That’s really her call to make. Hey, you never know though, she might not be planning on holding on to that vow of chastity forever. Know what that means? You are going to have to do a lot more work to convince her that “you’re the one.”

You did say that you really liked her, which is great, but for it to work out at all you have to have the same intentions. I’d suggest a good old fashioned pro/con list. Ask yourself why you like her. If you can’t think of anything that is worth sticking around for without the physical, then it is only fair to her, and you, to break it off. If you do make your list and you come up with pros, like her sense of humor or personality, then she may surprise you. Maybe she’ll be worth sticking around for, despite her unwillingness to be ‘tapped.’