How to: Kick your Harry Potter Addiction

How to: Kick your Harry Potter Addiction

by Rachel GullLifestyles Editor

As I facebook-stalked the student body, I realized that a vast majority of you claimed to love the Harry Potter book series. In fact, even those who don’t read the books dedicated a space in their “Favorite Movies” to Harry Potter.

The Harry Potter series has a following worldwide, and its customers include everyone ranging from small children to little old ladies. You can buy Harry Potter toothpaste, temporary tattoos and even action figures.

However, this international obsession with a wand-waving schoolboy is not necessarily healthy.

This article is not for those who merely enjoy Harry Potter.

It is, in fact, an intervention-based notice by the group that I represent: Potter-aholics Anonymous. We are not here to brainwash you into changing and we aren’t your enemies. We are here because we love you and want what’s best for you. We feel that the best thing for you could be learning about and admitting your Harry Potter addiction.

You are reading this because someone close to you noticed one or more of the warning signs of an extreme Harry Potter addiction. You’re probably thinking, ‘Jeez, so I read the books, whatever!’ But in fact, these warning signs could be the keys to unlocking an even greater problem.

Some of these warning signs are:

1.) You unintentionally use a British accent or British slang in everyday conversation.

2.) Worse yet, you use ‘Potter Lingo’ and insult your enemies by referring to them as “Muggles.”

3.) You own all seven books, and pre-ordered at least one.

4.) You have gone out in public dressed as a Harry Potter character.

5.) You know useless Potter trivia. For instance, I bet you can name all seven Defense Against the Dark Arts Teachers. If you need to prove yourself, they are Quirrell, Lockhart, Lupin, Moody, Umbridge, Snape and Carrow.

These are all signs of an extreme Harry Potter addiction, and if not dealt with immediately, they could become very detrimental to your future life.

But Potter-aholics Anonymous is here to help! Through counseling, peer groups and our revolutionary Twelve Step Process. Potter-aholics Anonymous can help get you back on the road to a normal life!

But of course, you’ve got to want to change. You must be able to stand up and say, “I am a Potter-aholic!” Until you can do this, Harry Potter will continue to control your life.

This is all very easy for me to say, isn’t it? I mean, I’ve never had to deal with these temptations. I’ve probably never even read the books!

But, you see, that’s where you’d be wrong. I used to be like you. Several months ago, I was in exactly the same position you are right now; skeptical, not knowing where to turn. But then I came here, and Potter-aholics Anonymous has changed my life!

My name is Rachel Gull, and I was a Potter-aholic. You may be wondering why I felt compelled to change. If I loved the books so much, why just stop? There’s nothing actually wrong with Harry Potter. Everything’s good in moderation. In fact, I probably never would have changed until someone asked me this question: “Have you ever hurt someone because of Harry Potter?” It sounds ludicrous, doesn’t it? But have you?

Maybe you missed your older sister’s wedding reception because the theater two blocks down was having an advance showing of the “Order of the Phoenix.”

Or at the family reunion with Great Grandma Dorothy from California and Cousin T.K. from Singapore, did you miss the family photo because you were in a corner reading a Harry Potter book?

This is what finally got to me about my addiction, and joining Potter-aholics Anonymous has been the best thing that could’ve possibly happened to me.

Now I urge you, if you have felt moved by this, please contact your local chapter of Potter-aholics Anonymous where there are counselors waiting to help you through our Twelve Step Process. I beg you to consider Potter-aholics Anonymous, not only for yourself, but for all those around you. Thank you.