Why are Central girls uglier than Simpson girls?

by Victoria Jones & Julia RobinsonStaff Writer & Photographer

“Is this a joke?” – Senior Chris Jones

“Most Simpson girls spend their time getting pretty. Most Central girls spend their time playing with tulips and river dancing.” – Senior Antonio Neal

“They spend too much of their money taking care of their tulips and not themselves.” – Senior Katie Kitzman

“They wear wooden shoes. Have they never heard of modern shoes?” – Freshman Sarah Nelson

“Because our women were raised by Amazons beneath the Storm, while their women were raised by the Dutch.” – Junior Steven Ramsey