He Said/She Said: Spring break with ex could get messy


Dear Drew and Bailey,When I originally made my spring break plans it was with a group of friends and my then-girlfriend. Well, we broke up a couple weeks ago and now we’re stuck going on this trip together. She’s still bitter about the breakup. How do I enjoy my spring break without getting cock-blocked the entire time?

-Revved-Up Ryan

He Said…The best thing I can think of is don’t play nice. If you’re nice and try to be friends with her, she’ll get the wrong idea and things could get even worse.

If you’re a jerk and lay the ground rules a couple things could happen. One, she might get mad and try to get even. Meaning, she’ll spend all her time trying to make you jealous by chasing meatheads on the beach, she won’t bug you one bit and you’ll be free to play with your own beach bunnies. She also might just get so pissed off she’ll be a typical girl and sit and cry in her room the whole time. Once again, giving you the freedom to do whatever you want.

I will admit this could go not so hot. She could be a crazy ex and then go nuts when you are on break and she doesn’t leave you alone and she’s all up in your Kool-Aid when you do have girls around. But if that happens, play it to your advantage. Make up a story about how she cheated on you, you caught her, you dumped her and she’s trying to win you back and won’t leave you alone. Then whomever you’re talking to might feel bad for you and be willing to take you back to her place so you can escape the crazy.

However, I am slightly hesitant to say write her off completely. Usually, when people get all excited because they think they’re going to see some action they don’t, and when they think nothing is going to happen, it does. So with that, maybe you should keep her as a backup plan, just in case. And I know that this could lead to further, worse complications later on. Like when you get back to campus and she thinks that flame has been reignited and she now wants to get back together. But just write it off as a drunken spring break mistake. And when that pisses her off, I’m sure by now you’ve figured out how to avoid her when on campus, you can keep that up for another 75 days, right?

Whatever you decide my friend; I wouldn’t worry about it too much.

Spring break is about being drunk and having fun. Just go down and focus on having a good time, but remember to be safe. Even if it’s not Las Vegas the rules still apply: What happens there stays there, except herpes. That shit’ll come back with you. 

She Said…

Well, this is a sticky situation, but there are ways around it.

First, you could try to sit down and talk with her about the trip and set up some ground rules. She probably wants to have a good time too and that isn’t going to happen if she’s moping around or planning sabotage the whole time. If you’re not together anymore, where you end up at the end of the night really isn’t any of her business—and vice versa.

Break-ups are messy, especially when you have the same group of friends. But you’re both going to have to make the best of the situation, and she should know that. Just be civil and avoid each other whenever possible. That way, you don’t spend too much time getting on each others nerves and end up in a knock-down, drag-out fight the entire week.

If she’s still bitter about the break-up, chances are the ground rules you set up are going to be broken anyway. I don’t know how long you dated or how serious you were, but you have to remember that it’s probably hard to watch your ex go home with someone else.

But if you think there will be no twinges of jealousy when you see her flirting with the hot freshman surf crew on the beach, you are sadly mistaken my friend. It’s bound to happen. Let it go. Getting your ass kicked by said freshmen in front of your ex and all of your friends will only make the situation worse.

You’re both going to have to get over the jealousy and move on. Spring breaks are notoriously wild and crazy trips in which college kids drink too much, make bad decisions and take panicked trips to the doctor or drugstore when that silly rash just won’t go away. If playing Russian Roulette in your pants sounds like a good idea to you, then knock yourself out. There are still ways to attract the poor drunk girls you swear looked like Megan Fox until the next morning.

For example, having the apparent attachment that is your girlfriend may attract the serial home-wreckers looking for a new couple to destroy over break. That couple could very well include you. Therefore, playing the “I want out of this relationship, I just don’t know how to tell her” card might just do the trick.

If not, there is always the sympathy card. Whining about your crazy ex-girlfriend and her semi-stalker tendencies might convince some unsuspecting girl to take pity on you. I mean, I’m sure you did nothing wrong and the break-up was all your girlfriend’s fault, right?

Either way, if you insist on feeding your own ego by doing the standard man-slut routine over break, you’ll find a way. Do so at your own risk. I believe it was Robert De Niro who once offered this great advice: “remember, a one night stand may be over by morning, but Syphilis lasts a lifetime.” Word.