Dear Drew and Bailey,

So I met this girl on Spring Break and we hit it off. We hung out the whole week and spent a lot of time together. She seems like she’d be the perfect girlfriend, except she lives in Michigan. I don’t know what to do. Should I keep talking to her and see where things go and maybe develop a long distance relationship? Or do I cut it off and write it down as a spring fling?-Missing my PCB baby

He Said… Are.You.Serious!?!  The only reason you should even consider continuing a conversation with this girl is if she is now keeping your Spring Break baby, and even then there’s no reason to force a relationship out of it, but that’s an entirely different story.But really, Spring Break is about having fun and forgetting names. Not for finding a new significant other. Especially when she doesn’t live in the 515 area code.Let’s get real with ourselves for a second. Out of all this time you spent with your Juliet, how much of the time were you actually sober enough to make a legitimate sensible decision; not some drunken libido driven judgment that seemed like a good idea when you were getting frisky down in the sand. I’m willing to bet if you were to go back and hang out with her now, you’d have a little bit different of a view as to how perfect she really is. Just sayin.Besides, long distance relationships suck. Trust me, I know, I tried it. And it wasn’t even a legit relationship, we saw each other once while we were “official.” It was more of a textual relationship and pretty much a waste of my time. The only time long distance relationships work is when you’ve already been dating for a while and then move away from each other. I’ve yet to hear of a success story where people started their relationship long distance style.Is there a possibility it could work? In a magical world where Brad Pitt was gay and the men’s basketball team won a game, yes it could work. And then you could make a movie out of it or sell it to Nicholas Sparks and have him write a book about it and make millions and live happily ever after. But really, we know that it’s not going to. That attempting this is just going to cause problems. You’ll date, you’ll get drunk back on campus, cheat, she’ll show up one weekend, find some randos girl’s panties, call you a cheating whore, the relationship ends and everyone leaves angry and bitter. And I don’t feel like writing you advice later and having to say ” I told you so”, so: Let. It. Be!I suppose I shouldn’t give you too much grief though. I do applaud you for attempting to be a decent human being, having a heart and wanting to make something of that little kindling of a flame you have going, however, I’m blowing that flame out and telling you to get real.This just spells bad idea. I guarantee that if you attempt to go through with this you’ll end up regretting it, so do all of us a favor. Chalk it up as a fantastic spring break that you can talk about for years to come and leave it as a happy memory. Change her name in your phone to PCB booty or something.

She Said…No, no, no, no, no. Do not get yourself into this. What happens on spring break stays on spring break, remember? You’re breaking the rules of fun and setting yourself up for epic failure if you try to date this girl.First of all, I take issue with the fact that you said she seems like she’d be the perfect girlfriend after you spent a “whole week together.” Seriously, a week? You can’t even tell if you are that compatible after a week, let alone find out if she actually has a boyfriend back home or a series of venereal diseases, so why in God’s name would you base a relationship on that? Not to mention, I’m sure a majority of your time together was spent doing anything but talking.And that’s only the beginning. It would be one thing if the two of you were from the same state—and even then it would be a stretch—but you aren’t, and that makes things all sorts of complicated. I know it works out every once in awhile and supposedly distance makes the heart grow fonder, blah blah blah.Distance makes the heart grow fonder my ass. Distance makes a person grow lonelier, hornier and a lot more likely to cheat. And who can blame them? These things have become easier thanks to webcams and cell phones, but it’s just not worth it.I’ve seen couples who were together four years break up within a month of moving away from one another because the strain is just too much and they ended up holding each other back. Only the strong and dedicated survive. So what makes you think that you can make it work after being together—scratch that, being aware of each other’s existence for just one week?Look, you are a young college student and I have no idea why you’re looking to tie yourself down in the first place. But listen to what you’re saying: “I met this girl a week ago, know virtually nothing about her, and live hundreds of miles away from her, so why not give up my friends, time that could be spent enjoying college, and my freedom for her?”I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and chalk this up to too much sun, alcohol and sex with an exciting stranger. This obviously muddled your thoughts and altered your ability to think clearly. Sit down, clear your head and think about what you’re asking. I think you’ll find you already know the answer.I could tell you to let it go, and if it’s “meant to be,” you’ll find each other again, but I’d rather vomit. So I’ll save you the trouble—it’s not. You hooking up with some rando at Panama City Beach who happens to live really far away from you doesn’t exactly have “destiny” written all over it. Just enjoy it for what it was—a fun little fling you can tell your friends about—and go be a crazy single college student while you still can.