I’d like to correct a misprint in last week’s edition of the Pfeiffer Survival Guide, entitled “How to get the best seat in Pfeiffer.”

The esteemed authors wrote that, “The rectangular tables are home to three groups of people: couples, those dining alone…and the international students.”

The article should have read, “couples, those dining alone, the international students and the few American students who don’t treat the internationals like lepers.”

Now, the authors attempted to placate potentially offended readers by giving a half-hearted disclaimer early on in the piece, but its sincerity was diminished by its preceding sentence: “Do not, I repeat, do not sit at a rectangular table.”

But then again, readers were reassured just a few sentences later when they were informed that they may, in fact, sit at the aforementioned tables “if you belong to one of these groups.”

Hey international students: are you hosting some flesh-eating virus?

I can think of no other reason why students would be blatantly warning their peers against spending the duration of an entire meal in your presence.

And so emphatically.

Welcome to America, everyone…just make sure to keep away from us, please.

Now, this campus prides itself on its unity and equality. We “March to End the Isms” and we paint shirts against sexual abuse.

We have a drag show to raise awareness for gender and sexuality issues.

Yet we still actively segregate ourselves from fellow students on the sole basis that they hail from France, Argentina, Malaysia, Kenya, Mexico and elsewhere!

These international students play Xbox; they love ranch dressing. They spend too much time on Facebook and they watched the Animaniacs as kids.

In other words, they are just like you and me. They even speak English better than some Americans.

They are friendly and welcoming, and they would never deny a person a seat at their rectangular lunch table.

There is absolutely no excuse not to sit with these people or to make an attempt to get to know them.

And this was not an isolated incident of xenophobic, bigotry-promoting “journalism.” This is just one manifestation of the epidemic on Simpson campus.

You don’t believe me?

Just talk to the international students themselves and ask them how friendly the American students are on this campus.

Go ahead and ask them.

I did, and my flesh hasn’t fallen off yet…