Opinion: Because I’m worth it

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by Professor Shane Cox Accounting Special to the Simpsonian

Teaching students is my number one goal and main focus every day I walk into McNeill Hall.  Given my unparalleled devotion to achieving that goal as well as my appreciation for what students bring to class, there are very few things you do that I would consider a pet peeve.

 If you come in late – that is okay as the party has just begun.  Need to check your cellphone?  That is okay as I am not the cell phone police.  Do you need to take a nap?  Go ahead and rest; I’ll be sure to wake you when class is over.  There is truly only one thing that catches my attention in a negative way – prolonged side conversations.

It starts off innocently enough with a little chit chat.  That is fine. You tend to turn your attention back towards me as I veer in your direction.  Perhaps you got the hint.  However, the situation suddenly escalates.  You begin talking back and forth with your neighbor.  I glance towards you again, which you acknowledge, but you continue to talk.  Frustrated looks appear on the faces of students sitting in front of you as they stare at me seemingly asking “Why won’t you stop this madness?” 

Here we go – now it’s time to be the bad guy.  There must be law and order in the classroom so I respond with “Hey, uh…could you keep it down.”  Occasionally you get students who repeat this behavior which results in a meltdown on my behalf – explaining how the talk distracts me and gives me a headache – (remember that crazy Joe?)

Let me ask you a question chit chatters, is it disregard for professors or is it complete disregard for your fellow students that leads to this absolute chaos in the classroom? 

What about Jenny, an accounting major, who will go on to live a wonderful and prosperous life given her choice of majors?  She’s paying hard-earned money to attend my class.  What about John, another accounting major, who will truly be a leader of leaders given his choice of majors?  What about Mary, another accounting major, who will not lose a wink of sleep at night pondering what the future holds given her choice of majors? Why try to derail their learning experience and careers with the chit chat? 

To close out this piece, imagine what you are missing.  My lecture, my words of wisdom and guidance in accounting and life, is well worth the price of tuition.  Actually, the experience I provide in classroom is worth much more.  This may be the only time in your lives where you have a chance to witness the high level of knowledge and intellect that I possess. Are you not mesmerized by what you hear?  

Sometimes it is astounding how amazing I deliver lecture – so listen up.  It is simple – I TALK – you listen.  The amazing stories you have heard about my classes may sound unbelievable, but are true.  It is not Simpson folklore, it is reality. They talk about outstanding performance in the classroom.  I’m outstanding every single day of my life.

When you are a great professor they have a name for you.  They don’t call you great professor; they call you Shane Cox.    

So sit back, listen up you chit chatters and enjoy everything I (and the other great professors at the college) attempt to teach you.  Good job.