Unfortunately, we live in a world of disillusionment and dissent. We fight and disagree and clouds of negativity spiral. My solution: Everyone should start giving compliments daily.
Obviously, telling someone you like their shoes will not fix the world’s problems, but it is an admirable quality and a source of light in this endless sea of darkness.
Paying sincere compliments to those around you, whether they are friends, family or strangers, is a source of daily positivity for you and those on the receiving end of your compliments.
According to Psychology Today, compliments affect people differently than we think they do. People who receive compliments are happier, more pleased and more flattered than we assume, and they are drastically less uncomfortable or annoyed than we worry they might be.
NBC cited research showing that being paid a compliment activates the same parts of the brain as being paid a monetary reward.
Simply put, complimenting someone makes them feel good.
Engaging in random acts of kindness, like giving compliments, also increases your happiness and personal well-being. Not only does it make you feel like a better person, but contributing to the happiness of others boosts your own positive emotions, which increases your stress resilience and physical health.
Giving compliments puts us in a better mood and inspires gratitude as we notice and appreciate the people around us. It’s plain optimism, people.
If you’re nervous about talking to someone you just met, paying a compliment is a great conversation starter. I’ve doubled my customer service and interpersonal skills solely by complimenting random strangers I meet and building rapport with them.
Compliments also strengthen relationships. Feeling valued and appreciated are basic human needs, so communicating your appreciation toward one another fosters connection and brings you closer together. Let’s not forget a fundamental love language—words of affirmation.
Kindness, compassion and empathy are free. You just have to be willing to use them.
And if you still aren’t convinced, here’s a self-serving reason: compliments reinforce desired behavior. Behaviors that get rewarded are more likely to be repeated, so if you tell your partner how much you loved the flowers they got you, and how special they made you feel, they’re likely to get you flowers again.
Giving compliments is a habit that is easy to implement. Start by speaking aloud the things you notice, unprompted. If you like someone’s shirt or their haircut, tell them. If you think they are a good friend, tell them. All compliments, whether about outward appearances or more meaningful observations, will brighten a person’s mood.
If you give compliments, it’s also important to know how to receive them. Accepting compliments is not selfish or synonymous with bragging. In fact, refusing someone’s compliment is equivalent to discounting their feelings. If your first instinct is to deny a compliment or negate it with self-deprecation, try instead a simple “thank you.”
So why not generously dole out compliments every day? Whenever a complimentary thought pops into my head, I say it out loud. It’s as easy as that, don’t overthink it. I’m not saying you need to search for something to compliment every single time you talk to someone; that’s not genuine or sincere. But when you have an organic moment where you notice something you appreciate about another person, rather than keeping it to yourself, share it.