He Said/She Said

Dear Drew and Bailey,

My best friend has been dating a guy for the last month or so. The guy’s actually really cool and I like him. The issue is that now she spends all her time with him and I never get to hang out with her. How do I bring this up and let her know I think she needs to be hanging out with me a little more again, without sounding like a whiney baby?

-Whiney in Washington

He Said…First question: Is she really spending all her time with him or does it just seem like it? Coming from personal experience, I know it can seem like a friend is ditching you for their man when you don’t have that undivided attention from them like you used to. The reality is that they’re still hanging with you more than their significant other.I’m guessing what’s really happening is that you’re just jealous. You’re probably ugly and don’t really have any other friends besides her and so now that you don’t have her at your beck and call, you’re left to realize how sad your life really is. Some people may refer to you as a DUFF, and she was your only link to the social system here at SimpCo. And now you sit all alone in your room eating Oreos and watching Lifetime movies.I suggest branching out. If your friend continues to date this guy I’m guessing she’s just going to hang out with him even more, then what are you going to do?The best thing to do is start working on yourself. If you get hot, you’ll have a better chance of making more friends and maybe finding your own boyfriend. So, hit the gym, in case you don’t know where that is; it’s the building in between the football field and BSC. There’s also a salad bar in Pfeiffer you might want to introduce yourself to.One thing you have going for yourself is you probably have a personality; most ugly people do. So put that to work. When you do happen to go to an on campus party with your gal pal, don’t stick with her. Break away and make new friends, you may find someone new you can be chums with and then you won’t even need your current bff.So, how do you bring it up? You don’t. Shut up and deal with it. Get over the fact your friend is prettier than you and wants to hang out with someone besides you. Do something about; either make new friends and find other people to socially mooch off of, or do some work on yourself and find your own boyfriend. 

She Said…Don’t worry this is an age-old problem. Your best friend is just as confident and independent as you are, you’re having a great time, and all of the sudden she gets do-anything-for-a-man syndrome. You’re going to have to be careful on this one.The trouble in this situation is that your heart is completely in the right place. You’re glad your friend is happy, but you’d just like to spend more time with her. It may take a firm hand to make her realize she’s being neglectful and far too dependent on her boy toy, but if you push too hard, you’ll only be pushing her away from you and closer to him.If he’s cool, tell her that you think he’s great and you want to get to know him better since he seems to mean so much to her. Make a double date happen. Once she’s seen that you’ve made such an effort to be supportive, you have every right to drop the bomb on her.Explain that she’s just not the friend you used to know and it’s bringing you down. Tell her that while you like her boyfriend, she’s far too young and life’s too short to give up everything that used to be important to her just to be with some guy she met at that house party. Obviously, you’ve known her longer, so it really isn’t fair that she gives you the shaft just because you’re not the one who buys her dinner and makes out with her.Remind her how much you’ve been there for her and how supportive you tried to be, and then bring facts to the table. I mean, it’s college. Sure, they’re infatuated and whatnot now. But who’s to say it won’t end abruptly when your totally-whipped friend finds Johnny-Jock-Strap in the sack with one-night-stand girl? Who do you think she’ll come crying to? If you also remind her that she’ll need someone to complain to when they inevitably start fighting over stupid crap, she’s likely to reassess the situation. There’s nothing like a good-old-fashioned guilt trip.If the rational convo doesn’t solve the problem, there’s always sabotage. Just don’t sleep with him, because that will get you nowhere. You’ll then be friendless and in the middle of a huge, dramatic mess. However, if Johnny and one-night-stand girl end up in the same place, at the same party, at the same time, who are you to butt in? I’m just saying.No matter what you do you’d actually be doing her a disservice if you keep your mouth shut, because you’ll be the not-so-innocent bystander as your pal transfers for her man and promptly gets dumped for someone less needy.Now your friend is alone at a strange school with no friends, no boyfriend, and no dignity. Think about it. It’s time to step in.