He said/She said

by Simpson College

Dear He Said/She Said:

I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for about six monthsnow. I know he’s a sex addict and have loved him for that until Iheard that he’s not only getting it from me, he’s been getting itsomewhere else too. Not only did my friends tell me that he’s beencheating on me, but cheating on me with another guy. I want toconfront him about this because I don’t want him getting kickselsewhere. All these times that he’s been having a night out withthe guys, it turns out that it’s actually been truly that; “a nightout with the guys.” I don’t know what to do. I am confused. He’sbeen so great to me all this time and I have never suspectedanything. Is my boyfriend gay or bi? Is this a phase? Should Ileave him?


Dear Confused,

Whether it’s a phase or not, I don’t think that is what youshould focus your energy on. Your relationship is in limbo and thatis what needs your energy and attention. The fact that he cheatedon you is what you should base your final decision on. I’m notsaying that you should disregard the other factors, but I feel thisis the most important. You should NEVER put up with a cheater. Whatyou need to do is to get the truth out of him. Find out if hereally did cheat on you or not. If so, find out if it really waswith a guy.

There’s obviously no reason for you to continue with thisrelationship. Simply tell him it’s over and find yourself someonewho’s not going to go out on a “night out with the guys” seekingfor the same “thing” that he’s depriving you of. Why put yourselfthrough such misery?

It is not an unusual occurrence for guys and girls to beexperimental during their college years. Some people get into astate of confusion, where they experience a crisis with theiridentities. I think they should not be involved in relationshipsuntil they are sure of themselves, because that often ends withsomebody getting hurt.

I am not an expert in this field, so I’d suggest you see ourcollege counselor. He might be able to help you or refer you tosomeone else.


Dear Confused,

I’m a very straightforward type of person, so I would confrontyour boyfriend and ask him what’s going on. Maybe this is just aphase, but you shouldn’t have to accept it as what’s best for theboth of you. You need to be ready to take a stand- if this, thefact that your boyfriend could be bisexual, is a problem for youthen you have every right to leave him. If it’s a phase, if it wasa drunken mistake, if it’s research for NASA- I don’t care- youdon’t need to accept something that makes you feel at alluncomfortable.

I would try to be as open-minded as possible, but at the sametime don’t be afraid to voice your concerns and complaints too. Youhave every right to question him about this, and to be concerned.If you didn’t know he was messing around with other people, thenyour health could become a concern- no matter what is decided youshould both get tested.

I hope everything works out well for you- and you inevitably endup happy.