I broke up with my boyfriend on Saturday and he was seen later that night making out with one of my friends. Should I totally write her off as a friend, should I kick my ex in the genital region next time I see him, or should I just let it pass and let them walk all over me? He wants to still be friends and thinks that I’m a great person, but if he truly believes that I’m great would he do these things?

He says…

Wow, it appears you might be a little disappointed that he’s not at home crying in his beer. Remember one thing: You broke up with him.

As far as your so-called friend goes, it’s a little too early for her to jump on your ex without talking with you about how you feel. I think it would have been appropriate for her to tell you about her feelings before acting on them. Even though it wasn’t cool on her part, it is a safe bet that they aren’t doing it to “walk all over” you.

I believe your friend has more explaining to do then your ex because you split the relationship apart with your former boyfriend – he’s off the hook.

You two were no longer officially an item, but you thought you had a something with your friend that was better than that. I’d look closely at whom you consider your friends and whether or not you can trust them. It isn’t worth your trouble to split them up, remember, you’re single now – go have some fun.

She says…

Maybe the “Voice of Reason” would disagree, but I think you’re right: kick him. That’s rational, right? He wronged you, now violence.

Next course of action: recognize that you two are no longer together. He may be genuine when he says you’re a great person and respects you, and however distasteful it may seem to you, he does have the right to make out with other girls because he’s single.

Your “friend” is the one who really fuels my fire. She’s kicking you when you’re down and rubbing salt in you wounds.

It’s like you baked the most perfect pie for the county fair contest, but on the way there you slipped and it flew out of your hands – destroyed. Now your friend instead of helping you pick up the pieces takes your strawberries off the top and adds them to her pie – winning the blue ribbon. Despite her surface success, this will not be a sweet victory because of her underhanded tricks.

The voice of reason says…

BRIAN STEFFEN

ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR OF COMMUNICATIONS

I wouldn’t bust your ex in the unmentionables – it’d just give him something by which to remember you, and he just doesn’t deserve being the victim in this story. For the friend, I’d suggest an inscribed copy of “The Scarlet Letter.” She’ll be impressed by your taste in literature, and you can use a personalized note as an exercise in catharsis.

The good news is that not all college-aged men are strayin’ dogs. The bad news is that there aren’t enough of them out there that you can’t tell for quite awhile if they’ll turn out to be one-woman men. You now have your answer with Mr. Wrong.

It hurts when someone violates your trust. If you learn to use heartache to help yourself navigate through life’s personal challenges, you’ll look back on this time as a positive turn in your life.