One mission…

Six burgers…

One man…

Is it possible?

I’ve heard of weaker people spontaneously combusting under this pressure.

I’ve been asked to digest a burger from the following restaurants to seek the best burger in Indianola.

Before I get started, I need to lay down the guidelines just in case you want to repeat this feat. I went to different restaurants around town, such as Dairy Queen, Signature’s, Burger King, McDonald’s, Sports Page and Cal’s, and asked for their signature burger. I looked at prettiness, price, size, greasiness, uniqueness and, most importantly, tastiness.

The first hit on my list was Dairy Queen, and my preconceived notions were grim. I pulled into the local DQ and found the Flamethrower Burger as their temporary signature burger. I paid my $6.77 and got my burger and fries. When I sat down with my newfound burger, it smelled spicy. The wrapper was covered in grease, not a good start. The burger was thrown together, and the sauces were splattered everywhere within the wrapper. Even though the burger and I had a rough start, the first bite was glorious. I didn’t expect the mix of thick burgers, spicy sauces and great cheeses to ever taste so good. The taste was pleasantly surprising, but you have to enjoy spicy cuisine.

Let’s recap.

Prettiness: 2

Price: 6

Greasiness: 1

Uniqueness: 8

Tastiness: 9

After DQ comes Sig’s, and I had high expectations. If a fast food joint can create such a masterpiece, a restaurant should surpass.

I had a traditional burger and was unimpressed. Although the price was cheaper than DQ at $5.99, it lacked in taste. It was a single patty with conventional spices and overdone. The patty was thick and looked good but didn’t deliver when it needed to. Although I liked the onion rings on top, it still didn’t make it happen.

Let’s recap.

Prettiness: 7

Price: 8

Greasiness: 10

Uniqueness: 5

Tastiness: 5

Two down, four to go.

I felt inclined to try McDonald’s, but I knew it wasn’t going to compare. I grabbed the Big Mac. The burgers at the golden arches are prefabricated like cars at Detroit. The burger has no life, zest or uniqueness. The only favorable quality about the Mac is it’s the staple of drunken food.

Let’s recap.

Prettiness: 6

Price: 8

Greasiness: 5

Uniqueness: 7

Tastiness: 6

Half way accomplished, and there’s no looking back.

McDonald’s has been a place to eat with the family for generations, but the Sports Page is one of the better places to dine with the fam’ in Indianola. According to the waitress, the signature burger was the Zesty Ranch Burger.

The burger looked amazing.

One nice thing about the Sports Page is they ask how you want the burger cooked. Although it’s recommended to cook thoroughly, if you want it pink, go ahead! There is a great blend of barbeque, ranch and a thick patty. Although it was greasy, it was delectable. It was one of the largest burgers I’ve ingested in this contest.

Let’s recap.

Prettiness: 8

Price: 8

Greasiness: 5

Uniqueness: 7

Tastiness: 9

Four down, two left. The end is near.

Sports Page had a tasty burger, but His Majesty resides at Burger King, I guess.

At this fine establishment I bought the classic Whopper. Although the taste of the burger was satisfactory, it still doesn’t compare to the others. The taste was the only point keeping the Whopper from sinking, and as it looks, the King has been dethroned.

Let’s recap.

Prettiness: 5

Price: 7

Greasiness: 8

Uniqueness: 4

Tastiness: 7

One left, and it’s from Cal’s.

Cal’s handmade burger. You become the chef and decided what to top your burger with, for the right price. If I were you, I would spend the hard earned dough and spice up the burger because it needs all the help it can get. Even though they ask how you would like it done, it misses the mark. The burger alone doesn’t have taste; the taste comes from the extra toppings.

Let’s recap.

Prettiness: 5

Price: 7

Greasiness: 10

Uniqueness: 10 (You can make it as unique as you want.)

Tastiness: 4