Is there someone you’ve noticed all semester but never gotten up the guts to talk to? This person could be desperately in love with you, too, a fact you could establish if you actually were able to talk to each other.

But, with all the stress and studying lately, who has time for socializing? We don’t even see our friends unless we take a study break and Facebook stalk them. Significant others? Who has time for one?

If you want to connect with that special someone, though, you should act quickly. (before you are separated by different May Terms and then an entire summer in which it is entirely possible that the love of your life could fall in love with a gorgeous lifeguard, end up eloping to a private island in the Caribbean and have lots of baby lifeguards while you become a sad hermit who talks to your teddy bear )

Luckily with my fool-proof dates, not only will you have plenty of time with your new found love, but you will also never even have to leave campus.

I estimate that the average Simpson student has approximately 15 minutes available to devote to a date. (Assuming that a class gets out early)

Dinner- Almost every date involves a meal of some kind, and on campus, you have some exciting choices for a romantic dinner date. You and your date could go to Pfeiffer, a relaxed, casual dining venue, or you could make your date more intimate by hitting up The Grill with its low lighting and cozy little tables.

These dates are nice, because if you are low on funds, both of you can easily go Dutch using your respective meal plans. However, if you are one of those big spender types, you can use your Flex Dollars to treat your date.

The most fun option, however, is the sack lunch from Pfeiffer Express. If you each get a sack lunch, you can eat almost anywhere. I recommend the gazebo in Buxton Park. You could have a picnic surrounded by flowers and a gurgling fountain, and it would be totally romantic. You would definitely sweep your date off his or her feet.

Everyone in Pfeiffer and the freshmen dorms would probably be pretty impressed as well. If you start hearing cat-calls and wolf-whistles, distract your date through serenading. Your love will be taken off guard by your extreme romance and will probably become shy and try to run away. This only means that you should sing louder. Soon your date will overcome his or her shyness and sing back. (Or at least that’s what always happens in the movies… )

Movie- A typical date is dinner and a movie, and we all know that Fridley Theatre offers showings for only $2. However, with all our studying, no one has time to leave campus. And on that note, a full-length movie is also way too long for our 15 minute romance.

Therefore you and your love should make popcorn and watch a video on Youtube. (In order to ensure the date lasts under 15 minutes, you may want to start buffering a day or two in advance.)

This will be just enough time for an ‘accidental’ hand brush as you both reach for the popcorn, and as both of you lean in to see the computer screen, you might crash foreheads making you closer than ever, (and possibly knocking one of you unconscious)

Club- People often go out dancing when they are first getting to know someone, and without Signatures on Saturday night, Simpson students would have to travel to Des Moines to get the romantic club atmosphere. However, almost any housing unit can be transformed into an exclusive club.

Dorm rooms are always a fun choice because you can choose your own music, invite a select few friends and will be forced to be extra close to your date.

However, CA’s will crack down when the music in your room can be heard in the next building. You could make the music quieter, but that would completely defeat the purpose.

Instead, merely move your club to a more “hopping” venue: the closest restroom. The public bathrooms in most of the underclassmen housing units and fraternities have some of the loudest, most energetic music on campus. This music can always be heard on the other side of campus, and the bathroom can host many more people than your room.

Unfortunately, restrooms are often supposed to be for people of only one gender. If a CA enters and looks angry, everyone should immediately drop into the fetal position, cover their heads with their arms and yell loudly about a tornado. The CA will be terrified and do the same, obscuring his or her vision, and giving everyone a chance to get out. Hopefully your CA will mistake the sound of people running for wind and ripping branches.

However you choose to woo the love of your life, remember that person probably secretly is in love with you, too. If you just assume that sort of thing, singing in Buxton Park is much easier to do. Trust me.