Pisces take lesson from Chuck Norris


by Katelyn Chamberlin

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Looking at your empty wallet will only make you more depressed. Instead of dwelling on what you can’t do, focus on the budget-friendly activities on campus. Head to a Simpson basketball game or catch a $3 movie with friends.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Sickness has been your worst enemy lately, and if you don’t get a break soon it will start affecting your personal life. Skipping class is not usually the best option, but you can’t be your best if you don’t feel your best.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Relationship trouble? Join the crowd. You and your other half are undoubtedly experiencing a bad case of the winter blues. As soon as the temperature stays above 30 degrees your problems are sure to melt away with the remaining snow.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Cat got your tongue in class? You are full of valuable things to share with your peers, but you sometimes have trouble working up the courage. I know it’s hard, but the best way to impress professors is by speaking up in the classroom.

Leo (July 23 – Aug. 22)

The strength of the Leo lion is with you this week as you take on unforeseen challenges. Your motto this month is “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Make something positive out of a difficult situation.

Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22)

Is your best friend driving you crazy lately? While it’s difficult when the person we like most annoys us to no end, give them a break this month. If not, you might end up saying things you’ll both regret.

Libra (Sept. 23 – Oct. 22)

You’ve got money in the bank and a debit card that’s itching to be used. But before you head to Des Moines for a spending marathon, make a list of the items you want most and stick to it.

Scorpio (Oct. 23 – Nov. 21)

When you’re feeling stressed, which will no doubt happen this week, take a quick break to recharge. Whether you listen to your favorite band or take a walk around Buxton Park, a little time for yourself will help tremendously.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 – Dec. 21)

You are the lucky one this week when you can’t get over an unexpected great mood. Use your newfound happiness to reconnect with old friends and people on your floor. Good moods are contagious.

Capricorn (Dec. 22 – Jan. 19)

You’ve messed up, and now you have to admit your mistakes before you can move on. Whether it was strike two in your relationship or you spilled your friend’s secret, it’s your responsibility to fix it.

Aquarius (Jan. 20 – Feb. 18)

The time for congratulations is now. You’re well into the semester and things are running smoothly. You’ve impressed your professors, fellow students and even yourself. 

Pisces (Feb. 19 – March 20)

Laziness is not a trait to be admired. You’re in college for a reason and if you don’t start taking the friendly suggestions to work harder, a Chuck Norris-style roundhouse kick may be the only other option.