I kept a countdown on my phone until I celebrated my 21st birthday last month. My roommate is so excited to finally have someone to go to the bars with. We go most weekends, and I’m glad I have someone to spend my nights at Mojos with. But there’s a problem. Our other roommate does not turn 21 until the summer. I feel bad spending so much of my free time at a place she can’t go. She doesn’t mind being our designated driver when she’s available, but I know it bothers her sometimes. She hasn’t been talking to us as much and things feel tense when we’re all in the room. What can I do to fix this?
Dear Foolish Friend,
Turning 21 can be a big milestone for college students. In the state of Iowa, you can have your first legal drink as well as your first scratch-off ticket.
However, it does not give you the right to abandon your friend.
There is a whole world outside of drinking every weekend. You should have experiences outside of Mojos.
It is on you and your roommate to take the first steps in solving this issue. If you do not reach out to your under 21 roommate soon, you’ll only further drive your friendship apart.
She should not have to be your designated driver every weekend. If you do ask her to be your designated driver, you should offer her ice cream or something she likes in return.
Put yourself in her shoes for a moment. What if you were the third wheel in this situation? Would you also be feeling upset if your roommates spent their weekends hanging out without you?
My guess is that you would understand how she was feeling.
Like most of my advice columns, I suggest communicating. I find most problems can be solved through communication and open discussions. With so little time left in the semester and May term left, I would suggest you speak to her this week. Ask her what she would like to do this weekend, and spend some time away from the bars.