Ask Millie: Automatically Awkward


Dear Millie,

I’m too nervous to go up to talk to people, but I want a relationship. I’m kind of scared of Tinder, because I feel like most of those people are looking for hookups. How do I find a significant other?


Automatically Awkward


Dear Automatically Awkward,  

I want to start off by telling you something you might be glad to hear: You are not as awkward as you think you are. We are often our own worst critics, especially when feelings and potential relationships are involved.

It is common, especially in college, to compare our own relationships with those around us. It is easy to question our own decisions and various stages of life. Know that no one has their lives completely figured out, regardless of who they are.

Just because your best friend has had a significant other since the first day of their freshman year, doesn’t mean you need to pursue your own relationship. You deserve to find a significant other who fits with your current goals and interests.

It can be intimidating to talk to people you are not familiar with, but it can help if you are in an environment you are comfortable in. Have a conversation with someone who shares the same interests. Attend an activity or club meeting for a subject you enjoy, and you could quite possibly find someone who is also looking for a significant other.

There are many ways to meet and talk to people without running into those who are not looking for the same type of relationship you are. I know there are some days where staying in your apartment watching Netflix sounds like the best use of your time, and sometimes it is. But you cannot meet new people without leaving your apartment.

Tinder can be a wasteland of left swipes, but it isn’t always the worst place. Dating through apps is becoming more and more common.

Keep in mind that Tinder is not the only mainstream dating app out there. Bumble, an app where women must message first is another popular app, and some have found success in this dynamic.

OkCupid asks you questions about things you might find important to know about a partner. For example, what are your thoughts on religion or children? This process goes more in-depth than Tinder, which just asks for a sentence or two and your age. There are a wide variety of options if you know what kind of format you might be looking for.

None of these might sound right for you, and that’s totally understandable. A relationship is a big commitment. You’ll need to find what works best for you in order to find a significant other who fits in your life.

Yours truly,