Ask Millie: Buying your first sex toy can be a daunting task


Choosing your first sex toy can be a daunting task, but getting one that’s right for you is totally possible!

Don’t worry about being “weird”—a lot of people, women included, enjoy sex toys. While purchasing one feels a little odd at first, the right one is worth the investment. Let’s check out some options, where (or where not) to go, and how to care for one.

First, find out what kind of toy will fill your needs. (No pun intended.) There’s a lot to choose from and you can spend a ton of money. While you don’t want to waltz into a store at the mall and buy the cheapest one you can find, most people don’t have the money to spend on a high-powered gadget.

A lot of women prefer vibrators, especially when it comes to clitoral stimulation. You can get a bullet vibrator specifically for your clitoris, but many dildos can serve the same purpose—and then some. I recommend something that can provide different sensations, especially for first timers who may not know what kind of stimulation they prefer.

A vibrator that provides both G-spot and clitoral stimulation is generally shaped like a dildo with a finger-like appendage. Don’t worry if it looks intimidating. Most come with a variety of settings and with a little online browsing, you can find one that works. For your first toy, avoid something too big or complicated. Keep it simple.

I also recommend getting a silicone toy. They’re easy to care for, easy to clean and come in great colors that can help ease your “is this weird?” anxieties. Important tip: do not use a silicone-based lubricant with silicone anything. It ruins the silicone—use lubes with a water or oil base instead. (I recommend Astroglide, a standby favorite.)

You can purchase toys and lube at a local adult store. However, if that feels too intimidating or uncomfortable, there are plenty of online shops. You can go to big name sellers or even find online boutiques with unique options.

Once you have your first toy, don’t be afraid to experiment! You may want to try other options or even other kinds of toys. Keep a look out for Pure Romance parties as well. There are probably more women selling sex toys in your life than you think, and purchasing from someone you know and trust (who knows and trusts their products) can also make the process easier.

Overall, look for the things that appeal to you, your sexual needs and what makes you feel comfortable. Clean your toys regularly with soap and water or special toy cleaner, and get to know yourself. A lot of women find that regular masturbation and exploration definitely helps their sex lives. Most importantly, don’t forget to have fun!

— XO, Millie