Avoid Satan’s lure with intramurals


by Matt Morain

“Apathy is the glove into which evil sticks its hand.”

Fittingly, this bit of Confuscious-like wisdom drawn from a movie about college life (Van Wilder) rings as true as ever on our campus. The opportunity for inactivity lurks behind every nap, movie and video game that persuades us away from learning or staying healthy.

Fortunately, there is hope. Simpson College intramurals stands as a shining beacon of personal productivity, providing many outlets to stave off the ennui and/or corpulence that undoubtedly come with an overload of stress or an under-load of motivation.

Currently, intramurals has 31 events slated for the 2002-2003 scholastic year. Signing up for at least one will ensure a break from the mediocrity of classes, lunch, classes and dinner in order to produce a seldom-known euphoric feeling known as “fun.”

Recreational diversion ranges from team sports like flag football, basketball and whiffleball to individual events such as pool, ping-pong and pitch tournaments, as well as trips to Des Moines for an I-Cubs or Bucs game.

Win or lose, you can still tell your kids that you played Div. III athletics. Either they will look up to you with doe-eyed admiration or question your integrity and ask to see some proof, in which case you can resoundingly crimson their cheeks and send them on their merry way to mow the lawn. In any case, it provides you with a platform to interact with your kids.

Scars and injuries are standard to intercollegiate sports, but unique and usually amusing when they occur in intramurals. Ex:

(With intercollegiate competition)

Guy 1- “What’s with the broken hand?”

Guy 2- “Wrestling.”

Guy 1- “Oh.”

(With Intramurals)

Guy 1- “What’s with the broken hand?”

Guy 2- “Shattered two fingers punching out some dude who cheated me out of a point during IM Spoons.”

Guy 1- “Whoa.”

Moreover, Simpson offers a wide gamut of non-IM athletic endeavors to keep one’s mind and body occupied. Racquetball, weight lifting, swimming or dunk ball are all excellent alternatives to setting personal records for bags of Totinos Pizza Rolls eaten or consecutive hours of “Passions” watched in a day.

When all else fails in an attempt to shake loose the very foundations of boredom, try resorting to physical activity.

Don’t be afraid, it can be your friend.

Working out can be a daunting and intimidating task. Some people feel the need to work out prior to going to the gym so as to look in shape. Know you’re not alone.

Friends, the idle brain is the Devil’s playground, and a 2 p.m. class on a Friday can twist your mind into the seventh Circle of Hell if left unattended. Do not let lethargy win out. Fight the boredom. Intramurals Saves.