I am a freshman who lately has loved to go out and party. The last two weekends, I have gone home with a defensive lineman on the football team. Both nights we had a great time and the sex was great, except that he wanted to get me “in the back of a Volkswagen.” Lately, he has been weird. Last week, I tried to sit with him at Pfeiffer but he just stood up and left. Then when he was leaving with his friends I overheard one say, “If you hoggin’ one more time, she’s your girlfriend.” What do I do?

Discouraged in Kresge

Dear Discouraged,

Before you go spouting off about how he’s not being fair to you, there are a couple of things you have to consider. First, there are some traditions that go much deeper than your little backseat romance. The football team has every right to impose relationship sanctions on your new beau. I’m guessing that teams in the past have had very similar, if not the same, rules governing the interaction of the sexes. He probably came here to play football, not to pal around with some girl all day long.

Second, he has known his friends longer than he has been with you. Do they know what’s best for him? Maybe. Do you? Definitely not. His buddies are probably just watching out for him, making sure he doesn’t let his mind stray too far from the task at hand: football.

Finally, you guys have only been dating for a couple of weeks. I use the term dating very loosely, as you have only really gone home with him. I wouldn’t get your panties in a twist over a guy who will probably want nothing to do with you once the season starts.

My advice is that if you’re looking for a sweet boy to hold hands and watch TLC with, don’t go chasing jerseys.

Sincerely,

David Morain

Dear Discouraged,

If you don’t want any kind of serious commitment right now, you don’t have to do much. But if you feel like having a relationship with him, you need to talk with him and find out if there’s a chance for a relationship.

At the same time, “If you hoggin’ one more time, she’s your girlfriend”? Since when does the number of sexual relations determine relationships? Does this mean a girl has to have sex at least three times with the same guy before she can refer to him as her “boyfriend”?

Sounds like a commercial transaction. You have to “pay” for it before it’s yours. This doesn’t sound very tempting for initiating a relationship.

Nevertheless, you must never forget that a woman and a man’s brain work differently. It could be that this guy talked to his friends asking for advice and his friends didn’t use the right words. Don’t blame them, after all they’re men.

Don’t you think it’s a little early to consider starting a relationship with him? From what I understand, you’ve been going out with him the past two weekends and all you’ve done is have sex.

Sex can be an important factor in a relationship, but it’s neither the main thing nor the only thing. Can you see yourself with him without the sex? Would you feel comfortable knowing you’re his girlfriend? Having great sex doesn’t guarantee you will get along with each other the rest of the time.

Your life is your own, and you decide what you do with it. However, wouldn’t it be better to spend it with someone that’s worth it?

Sincerely,

Vania Quiroz