Dear He Said – She Said,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now. He is a great guy and I think we both feel the same way about each other. I’m thinking about sleeping with him. I’m a virgin, but I’m pretty sure I want him to be my first. How should I go about doing this? It’s very important to me.
Shy But Ready
Congratulations. You’ve decided to take that all-important step toward consummation.
It’s normal to approach this situation with apprehension. This guy will be your “first.” After this, no one else can claim to be, nor can you bestow that title on anyone else, which is why it’s important to make it/him count.
Make sure you both feel the same way. If he’s as great as you say and think he is, then you shouldn’t have any qualms about following through with this and regretting him later. However, if you have doubts in your mind, confront and dispel them before proceeding. This is not a situation to be entered into with a heavy conscience; it’ll kill the mood and the fun.
Do not advance until you’ve dealt with each objection you have. The world’s not going to end tomorrow, so there’s no need to rush into something this important to you. (Disclaimer: if the world is going to end the day after this article is printed, scratch the above and make like a rabbit).
Finally, examine your own motives. Why do you want to? Is it because you really like him and it’s something you’ve been itching to do for a while but saved it for the right guy, or is it because you feel like it’s the next necessary step in strengthening your relationship?
You can’t keep waiting for the next, better guy. It’s like shopping for the perfect shirt: if you don’t buy this shirt because you think you can get it for cheaper at the next store, or if you keep telling yourself to see what the shops down the street have, you’ve set unachievable standards for yourself and won’t ever find a shirt because all the good shops will eventually close.
The grass is always greener, but sooner or later you have to mow it.
Tell Me How it Goes,
Dear Shy but Ready:
I’m glad you are putting some thought in to when to have your first sexual relationship. Your first time should be a time that you can remember as a beautiful experience that you shared with someone who was really worth it.
You identified yourself as “shy but ready”. What do you mean by shy? Are you a little nervous about letting someone else see you naked? Sleeping with someone who is going to see you without any clothes requires being comfortable with your own body. If you want to enjoy it, you must not worry about how you look.
I know it may sound awkward, but I would recommend telling him it’s your first time. If it’s his first time too, then both of you will learn together. If that’s not the case, then he must know how it feels doing it for the first time and be able to do it gently in order for you to enjoy it.
If you decide to go on, make sure you and your guy use protection. Yes, even if it is your first time. Remember, better safe than sorry. If that guy really cares about you, he’s not going to give you excuses for not using a condom.
Don’t forget that even if you are already in bed with him and you feel that you’re not ready after all, you don’t have to do it! Becoming sexually active is a decision that belongs only to you, so don’t doubt saying “no” if you think it isn’t the right moment.
Vania G. Quiroz