May Term at Simpson affords plenty of opportunities to further your knowledge in the classroom as well as outside of it. Classes range from learning about the Vietnam War to fishing at ponds and lakes surrounding Indianola. Some students choose to leave campus, traveling to far off locales such as Thailand, Italy and Great Britain. Still other students take internships, giving them valuable experience in the working world. Given all of these choices, however, many aspects of life at Simpson are still overlooked. Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to devise some independent studies that might prove more conducive to our college and its true relationship with students. Here’s a look at next year’s coursebook.

Simpson College Courseboook

May Term 2003-2004

ACCT 380 B. Mismanaging Large Sums of Money:

Learn how to misuse millions of dollars in tuition from college students. Each person in the class will be given a large amount of capital. Grades will depend on how that money is spent. For example, using funds for unnecessary campus beautification will earn high marks, while those attempting to improve the college’s infrastructure or neglected departments will result in poor marks.

ART 190 D. Handbook Photo Opportunities:

Those with an eye for campus clichés will use cameras to capture images of students sitting under trees, reading books on a park bench and chatting with friends of different ethnic backgrounds. This class will work closely with admissions, so make sure to keep in mind that you are trying to encapsulate “what a college experience should be,” not what it actually is.

BIOL 190 C. Exothermic Heat on the Epidermis:

Each day, the class will walk around campus noting the various ways that Simpson women tan. Are the tanning conditions better in the Kresge Hall courtyard than on the old soccer field by Kappa Kappa Gamma? Does the amount of skin one has deter from the overall tan? What is the best way to get rid of tan lines? These questions will be addressed in a straightforward and interactive manner. Note: This class will also cross-reference with Women’s Studies.

CHEM 190 A. Gastrointestinal Warfare:

Students will spend mornings at Pfeiffer learning how to create a menu that stray dogs wouldn’t touch. Lectures include “Ensnaring Simpson’s Squirrels for Fun and Food,” “The Resiliency of the Steak Burger” and “Organs and Oregano: The Anatomy of a Fine Casserole.”

CJ 219 B. Fun-Hating for Beginners:

Follow resident assistants as they make their rounds. Quizzes over how well you can listen through a closed door and quickly thinking up excuses to barge into a student’s room. Work closely with security to make sure that no one on campus has a good time.

MUS 290 A. Perjury and Injustice:

This course will focus on screwing the student body out of enjoying a decent concert over a long period of time. Coursework will include how to cleverly substitute the likes of the Clayton Miller Blues Band or Ari Hest for acts like Ben Harper or Something Corporate. Students will also learn how to make the college population believe that a good musical group is coming, such as actually holding a campus-wide vote on various bands.

POSC 190 A. The Corruptibility of Politics at the College Level:

Learn how affiliation with certain campus groups can lead to gains in the political realm of a small liberal arts college. Important constituencies to remember include religious and Greek organizations. The final paper will be over the ability of a student politician to remain impartial while associated with groups requesting funds from the senate budget.

SOC 190 B. Anti-Suitcase On-Campus Awareness:

This class is open to students that normally head for home once the weekend arrives. These students will be required to spend the entire May Term on the Simpson campus. The class will discover what college life is supposed to be like, taking notes over the various instances of fun encountered. Extra credit will be awarded to any student of the class seen out on a weekend night past 10 p.m.