Simply Stated
October 23, 2003
Attention girls wearing low rise jeans: Everyone can see yourbutt crack. You’re not fooling anyone with those thong straps.You’re just a skanky plumber deep down inside, so put your crackaway.
~ sxkll9
Why is it, when the Cubs do well the fans suddenly come out oftheir shell? I know of only one true fan on campus, the rest arefair weathered fans. Yankees Stink!
~ Angry Waldo
An ode to Matt Morain:
Matt had a vampire bat. His fur was black as night. It followedhim to school one day and promised not to bite. He brought it outfor show-and-tell, the teacher screamed and ran. And school wascanceled for a week, just as Matt had planned.
~ Pres. of the Matt Morain Fan Club
The trouble with all these darn antelope is that they’re sounpredictable.
~ Jongo
Do you read Cosmo or Maxim? All right then… you read the samestuff there that you do in the Simp, so give the girl a break…it’s all in the name of fun.
~ Relax kids
To any Cubs fan:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Keep counting…
~ Cardinals Fan
Isn’t it fun to anonymously bash the newspaper and its staff!!!I love that I can say whatever ignorant, childish and uninspiredthing I want and no one will know it was me. Life is good whenyou’re an idiot and a coward.
~ Average Comment Posting Moron
Oh the joys of washing your face! I’ve always enjoyed a goodvigorous scrub with an exfoliating face wash followed by a subtlemoisturizing cream. It’s truly a pleasure!
~ Jongo
When I was at the football game in Pella last weekend, I kickeda tulip and was given a $60 fine. But who cares, we won.
~ 3 Blind Mice
Oh, the guys in the weight room last Monday night: You aredisgusting. There is no need to talk about your sexual lives (withsound effects and hand gestures, mind you) in the weight room! Thatis ridiculous! To the women of Simpson: Don’t give up your firsttime to these immature freaks. They’re likely to discuss yourdeflowering in graphic terms in public.
~ Disgusted in Buxton
A word of advice to the first year students: They call it thewalk of shame for a reason, hide your face next time.
~ Upperclassman
Where are the parties this year?
~ Flounder
Beware of the F-ed up Fish!
~ Bob
With all this talk about sex in the Simpsonian, everyone hasfailed to see one important fact: The front page was incrediblysexy. It was (and she is), as Jack Black would say, “SexSupreme.”
~ Pres. of Kate Paulman Fan Club