The long-awaited sequel to last year’s Halloween article hasfinally arrived.
365 days have passed, and 10 new costumes have come to myattention (that’s an average of one idea every 36 and one-halfdays). Read, dress-up, get candy, eat too much, work off guilt inweight room and resume eating.
1) Weapons of Mass Destruction – Be careful with this one, youmight not be visible at night (or during the day, or ever).
One of the most sought-after costumes this year, but incrediblyexpensive to continue to search for.
Before you go digging through the aisles at the Beggar’s NightOutlet Store, keep in mind that you’ll be taking a number behindinspectors, the government, journalists and soldiers alike.
2) New Student Center – Be the center of attention… in a fewyears.
Pay now but let the trick-or-treaters who will come through inthree or four years reap the benefits of your outfit. Hidden bonus:You can make it look like anything you want, because it won’tmaterialize for a few years!
3) Christopher Reeves – Walking is for suckers! Roll your way topounds of candy on two wheels of Halloween fun.
Needles and razor blades hidden in your treats can’t harm you -you’re Superman!
The only snacks you have to watch out for are laced withKryptonite or come on horseback.
4) Michael Jackson – A repeat from last year’s list, butseriously: Could anything be more frightening?
5) Steve Bartman – No outfit will warrant you more Halloweenbeatings than going as the Cubs fan that ruined a long-chagrinedteam’s chances of making it to the fabled World Series.
All you need is a black shirt, a blue Cubs hat, a Sony Walkmanfrom 1989, and the worst sense of baseball etiquette since Ty Cobbthrottled an elderly disabled man in the stands.
6) “Creepy Old Guy” Simpson Graduate – Your degree shouldn’tkeep you away!
Celebrate All Hallow’s Eve with students who were learning howto drive when you turned 21.
Wear clothes you expect to reek of smoke and spilled beer, asyou will spend many hours at the Zoo before stumbling into a randomhouse and dancing by yourself in the corner. Watch kids shrink awayin horror as you offer them candy from your van!
7)John Travolta – Eh, why not?
He hasn’t done much in awhile, so he might as well be a costume.”Saturday Night Fever” was scary enough.
8) MTV – Walk around with a ghetto blaster on your shoulder, butinstead of music, play sitcoms, cartoons and reality programming tohold and corrupt your fellow trick-or-treaters.
Innocent bystander bonus: If you don’t have a costume, followsomeone wearing this around and you’ll be instantly transformedinto “Mindless Zombie.”
9) Bob Ross – You can’t put your finger on it, but there’s justsomething off about this guy.
Maybe it’s the fact that he serenely painted so many happyclouds after suffering through unspeakable trauma in the VietnamWar and allegedly racking up one of the highest kill counts onrecord.
Costume requirements: large brown afro, pallet, paint brush,M16, string of ears taken off of conquered enemies, etc…
10) Matt Morain – Crouch down a couple of inches, open yourmouth far too much, write a column and make a few people laughwhile pissing off the rest of campus.