Finals week is a source of stress and anxiety for thousands ofdedicated and prepared students.

For the millions of frantic, unprepared students that accountfor the majority of any college’s enrollment, it is a traumacomparable to watching your childhood pets being pushed through awood chipper by the clown from “IT”.

This sad, yet almost universal situation is due to severalfactors, or ingredients, if you will. Ingredients which caninclude, but are not limited to: a cup of procrastination, atablespoon of video games, a pinch of a “Who’s the Boss?” marathonand enough alcohol consumed during the semester to bathe a circuselephant. This down-home recipe yields a heapin’ helpin’ of goodold fashioned “I’m so stressed my eye is twitching and I called thecouch a liar” stew.

Don’t you worry – there is plenty for everyone.

There is, of course, only three ways out of this unpleasant andstressful situation. That is unless you are the hero of a campy1980’s teen comic romp wherein the only thing between you and theangry high school principal is your latest hair-brained scheme. Soif you are said hero feel free to put down the paper and go dosomething zany.

However, if like most of us, you are not Ferris Bueller, I havesome helpful and creative ideas that will hopefully prevent theloss of your already fragile sanity.

The first stress relieving tactic stems from years of childhoodimagination and hours of playing pretend.

Come to one of your finals dressed as your favorite historicalor fictional character. Go all out. Dress the part and, ifapplicable, adopt an accent appropriate for the person you havebecome. Then if you fail your test, insist on retaking the exam asit was not you, but Marie Antoinette that failed your Spanishfinal.

The second stress relieving strategy may seem more meanspirited, but will probably make you feel better. Play a practicaljoke on your least favorite roommate. If he sleeps through hisalarm forcing you to get up and get him out of bed, strangle himwith his alarm clock cord. Seem harsh? I’m only trying to protectyour sanity here. If he uses your hair gel, kill his puppy. I thinkyou get the idea.

The third and final stress relieving approach is a moretraditional one. Take some yoga. This will allow you to becomeflexible enough to fit your body into a standard package suitablefor mailing. Then Fed-Ex yourself some place nice for the day.

This provides an inexpensive and much needed getaway.

I hope these tips were both entertaining and helpful. They haveworked wonders for me. I am practically stress free, though I amstill coughing up packing peanuts and I really do need to apologizeto the couch.