Dear He Said/She Said

Dear He Said/She Said,

There’s a guy I really like. We get along really well, we have alot to talk about. My friends all think he likes me. But he callsme by my last name all the time. What does that mean? Does heconsider me just a friend? What’s the best way to deal with thissituation? Should I pursue him?

Just A Friend?

When a man addresses a woman by her surname, it is rarely a signof attraction. It is, however, a sign of familiarity or friendship.I would liken it to him crush punching you on the shoulder,nicknaming you “Champ,” or proclaiming that he loves you.

However, do not give up hope. As you said yourself, you getalong really well and have a great deal to talk about. There areother reasons that he could be calling you by your family name. Igathered from your letter that you began your relationship asfriends. If that is the case, maybe he doesn’t know how to go aboutchanging the relationship, or is too scared to jeopardize it.

My advice is to ask him on a date. If he says yes, you will knowthat he is interested and hopefully he will start addressing you asa woman and not a member of his sports team. If he says no, thenyou will most likely be a little disappointed but you won’t have towonder or pine any longer. Also, if you are both able to avoidmaking the situation weird or uncomfortable, you will still have agood friend.


Just because he calls you by your last name doesn’t mean hedislikes you, but unfortunately it doesn’t really mean much. Inmost cases that I know of, or that I’ve been a part of, calling agirl by her last name usually infers the “little sister” or “one ofthe guys” syndrome. I’m going to encourage you to ask him what hethinks about you, but don’t be surprised if you get-“well, to meyou’re a lot like a sister” or “it’s just because you fit in sowell with me and the guys.” I hope that this doesn’t get said, butif it does don’t give up hope, most excellent relationships startout as friendships. Don’t quit talking to him just because he’s notinto you now-maybe he’s not looking for anyone now.

Keep talking to him like it’s no big deal, and he won’t thinkyou asking him about it was a big deal… (guys are fairly easy tofool that way), and then just keep in contact-maybe something willcome of it when the time is right. If all he did when you asked himabout liking you was laugh out loud… forget it… there’s no wayyou’re penetrating his immaturity, and trust me-you wouldn’t wantto!