Dear He Said/She Said

I recently turned 21 and since then it’s nearly impossible forme to turn down a night at The Zoo. I feel like a bar fly and smelllike one most days too. What can be done to cure this expensive andhorrid habit? Is my reputation as a bar fly already set? Why is itso hard to turn down a night at the hole in the wall Zoo Bar?

-Bar Stool Babe


Happy Birthday!

You just turned 21 so relax and cut yourself some slack.

The novelty and ease of legally buying alcohol may havetemporarily caused you to spend more time at the Zoo than mostlions in captivity, but it’s not the end of the world.

Since you turned 21 recently most people will understand andforgive your Barney Gumble-like presence at the Zoo though they maybe a bit mystified by your inability to shower after a nightout.

Your question made it sound like you’ve only had this problemsince your birthday.

If that’s true then all you have to do is exercise some selfcontrol and stop going to the Zoo so much.

I know that when you pass on a night out you might feel likeyou’re missing out on good times but remember: you’ve got a wholelifetime to destroy your liver.

However if your bar fly status is not simply a byproduct of yourrecent birthday mirth making and something more sinister, like anaddiction to alcohol, please get some help.

We have counseling services available on campus that can helpyou deal with your problem or can refer you to someone who can.


I don’t know if I have a great answer for you, but I think thatyou have just concern in becoming a Zoo bar fly. While it isimportant to keep your social life hopping during your years hereat Simpson, it’s also important to remember quality overquantity.

I’m going to assume that you crave The Zoo because that is whereyour so-called friends lurk, but I would question the reality andgenuine caring of these fellow bar flies. After all, you are allthere for one reason: tasty, liquor-filled thirst quenchingbeverages.

My advice: really look into your recent bar experiences and askyourself if these friends are everything you require within yourlife.

To me it seems as if the bar has taken over your life andtherefore these “quality” friends are also a large part of yourlifestyle.

If you really want to distance yourself from this lifestyle thenI would recommend taking serious consideration into who you’rehanging out with and what you really want out of your years here atSimpson.

After all, if you can’t change the people you’re around, thenjust change the people you’re around.

If you change your habits I personally guarantee a lack of barfly smell, more money in your wallet and a serious change in thequality of friends you’re spending time with.

Note: In doling out this advice I’m assuming you don’t expectchange if you just change your environment-trolling the campusparties will save you the bar smell but give you the same qualityof friends, only younger.

You are who you hang out with…