Dear He Said/She Said

Dear He Said/ She Said

I have this best friend who is in a relationship with this girlwho is completely wrong for him. She continuously takes advantageof his kindness, money, time and family. She belittles hisexistence and makes him feel like he is nothing without her. Butthat is so very far from the truth. Should I get involved somehow?Would it be wrong of me to tell him how manipulative she is? Wouldthis ruin our friendship? What do I do?

~ Contemplating in Colonial

The questions you ask are valid, and are those of true concern.You make no reference to your gender, and this complicates things.I would like to say that there’s a true right and a true wrong tothis, but this isn’t so. If you try to intrude on this relationshipand are female then there is a territorial issue that you may needto face when it comes to the girlfriend. Although you are onlylooking out for your friend, it may seem to her that you’re tryingto get a piece of her boyfriend. If you’re a guy trying tointerrupt this relationship for a reality check then the girlfriendwill attempt to dismiss you as stupid and continue to treat yourfriend horridly.

I would go directly to your friend. Have a revelation. Tell himhow much he means to countless numbers of people. Tell him how muchhe’s been cut off from everybody else. Let him know that there aremany people out there that want to spend time with him, and thathe’s worth more to you than his money is to his girlfriend. (SideNote: Okay, so this isn’t the most manly thing to do, but some ofthis stuff needs to be said to him before he begins to feel evenworse. I don’t know how you can make this into more of a masculinesituation, maybe throw around the football a little bit, smear somemotor oil around, or even start of with a couple beers to get thewords flowing. Do what you can to sound the most concerned in theleast feminine way.)

To anybody out there who knows this so-called “girlfriend” ofhis, let her know that she should start packing her bags and beginlooking for another guy to manipulate!

Good Luck- And maybe if you’re luck you will regain anotherfriend you thought you lost to the ever-wretched girlfriend!


Yes, you should get involved. You’re his friend and it’s yourresponsibility to look out for him. However you need to approach itin the right way, you don’t want this manipulative, verballyabusive, gold-digging, time-stealing, family-abusing(did she beatup his mom?), girlfriend to be the end of your friendship.

When dealing with sensitive matters, such as telling your bestfriend that you hate his girlfriend, I find it’s best to voice youropinion in no uncertain terms once and then let it go. Don’t behostile, don’t call her names and don’t get emotional. Simply tellhim what you have told me. He might feel the need to respond, soduck and cover if you have to, but after you have said your pieceleave it alone.

Chances are he will not agree with you and will react in one ofthree ways. He will be mad at you but still continue to be yourfriend. He will be mad at you and not talk to you for a while butin the end remain your friend. He will hate and have no contactwith you until he realizes, after a horribly bloody breakup orperhaps even a divorce, that you were right and will then resumebeing your friend.

I hope it’s the first one.

Good Luck,