He Said… She Said

by James Joy and Mindy Marks

I’m a 22-year-old virgin with everything to lose. I’m tired ofsitting around with my buddies and having nothing to add to theconversation.

I had always thought that it would be great to wait formarriage, but now I’m not so sure. There are just some things thatporn can’t do for you. I’m single and I want to know how to lose myvirginity so I can become “one of the guys.” What do you think?

He says:

Unless you have a wild fling with a famous porn star, yourescapades won’t add anything to the conversations that hasn’t beendiscussed. If you want me to tell you to just go do it, you’regoing to be disappointed.

What were the reasons that made you decide to wait in the firstplace? It would be a very good idea for you to revisit those ideasand see if that is still the person that you are or want to be. Ifyour friends are real, they won’t judge you based on your decisionnot to have sex.

Don’t ever compromise your morals to be “one of the guys,” butif loosing your virginity is something you want to do, make sureyou do so with someone you care about. If it’s a one-night flingand you decide afterward that you made a mistake, you won’t have apartner in the relationship to talk about it with.

People like yourself feel the pressure to join the club, but youwill eventually be the lucky one if you wait.

She says:

From a woman’s perspective, it’s far more respectable to be witha guy who’s a virgin than one who is known for his hookups.Besides, most women don’t want to be the object of scandalous sexstories.

You waited 22 years for a reason, why not a little bit longer?You’ve either placed a lot of significance on this experience oryou haven’t met someone up to your standards – maybe both? It mightseem like everybody sleeps around in college but there are a lotmore virgins than you think.

If waiting is important to you, then wait. If you’re looking tolose your virginity to “some girl” than I’m sure you’ll be able tofind one by lowering your standards. Are you willing to dothat?

Next time “the guys” are telling stories perhaps you can changethe subject to something you’re interested in – sports, beer,class, beer, porn, beer, video games, beer, Foucault or I don’tknow … beer? You must have some common interests or they wouldn’tbe your friends. If all else fails, talk about the weather.

mom says



How many years do you plan to be in college? Why do somethingnow that can never be undone and potentially cause a fatal diseasejust so you will have something to contribute to the nextconversation? Your virginity is the most valuable gift you can giveto the woman you marry. You sound like a mature, intelligent youngman with a good future. If you decide to lose your virginity takeall the proper precautions to avoid STD’s. I wish you the best withyour decision.