This is one of those’: observations brought to light

by Jack Sawyers

The most difficult part of the writing process is almost always formulating the idea itself, especially in the case of this column.

As a result, I often end up spending more time observing and conceptualizing than I actually do writing. Sometimes, an idea will draw my attention, such as with the financial aid situation and student debt.

Other times, the subject of a story is some trivial thing I’ve observed to be true, such as the bit on text messaging. Occasionally, my ideas suck, and I must draw on those around me for ideas.

This is one of those columns.

So, if you would, please enjoy my five short perspectives on the state of planet Simpson as I see it.

Oh, and if you’ve got any really relevant opinions or completely useless observations, let me know.


Okay, we all know this horse has, quite literally, been beaten to death. So I’ll bury it. Even after the elections, I hear people continuing to debate the virtues of their man Kerry or their President Bush.

Who gives a damn anymore? Bush won. Kerry will fade into obscurity. End of story. Democrats, quit trying to label Bush as an antichrist and the harbinger of the apocalypse. Republicans, quit gloating and reflect your moral stance by extending the olive branch. There really is nothing left to argue.

One specific gripe that I have is with the liberal elitist perspective of the situation. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard a Democrat try to downplay the Republican victory by attacking the intelligence of the voters.

Hey, if we (yes, I too am a Democrat) are so smart, where were we on election day?

So give it up. If you’ve got to argue about something, argue about what will become the President of Beers.

Just watch Bud Light, he’s a flip-flopper.


What’s the deal with all these damn holes around Simpson College? North Buxton Street had one half a block long and at least 20 feet deep; you could bury a Volkswagen in the one in front of Cowles; and I’m pretty sure I lost a shoe in the one in Buxton Park.

Did someone find gold in Indianola, or are we just trying to find a cheaper way to China?

It’s enough to make me grab my shovel and join in the fun.

Lonely Macs

Obviously, equality is only skin-deep at Simpson.

Yes, it’s true – Mac users are apparently being denied admission to Dunn Library. Just take a look into the computer lab and you’ll see what I mean.

There’s nothing but empty Macs – the PCs get all the attention.

Although this reflects poorly on the diversity of the Simpson gang, I do see how it could happen. After all, there’s only one button on the mouse.

Dirty Macs

Boy, the word “Mac” just doesn’t have it these days. Have you been to McDonald’s on Highway 65/69 lately?

The burgers are ridiculously greasy, usually enough to saturate the bottom bun to a pudding-like consistency; ketchup is the main ingredient on most sandwiches; and the place is filthy inside and out. Oh, and did I mention the horrid wait for even the simplest items? I sat in the drive-through line for 15 minutes last week to get a McFlurry – seriously.

If you haven’t had your break today, don’t take it.

Drink Up

Last week, The Simpsonian featured an article on the rise of drinking violations in the 2003 school year.

Surprised? I didn’t think so. Bothered? Not at all.

The real problem here is not the drinking, it’s the getting caught. So wise up, underage consumers, and turn your music down after 10 in the dorms. Don’t walk around campus with open containers and don’t take to urinating in strange places. (This last suggestion is more of a courtesy issue, but it does come with the territory.) Be wise to the fact that there are people whose job it is to catch you.

Besides, beer is good, and good things should be enjoyed with friends.